Blackout

9) Indisposed

OWEN LUX WESLEY 

What did I do?

I think it was the faraway look in Lynn's eyes the next time I saw her that caused such a tenacious bond of guilt to simmer beneath my heart. Maybe it was the bags underneath her eyes, or maybe even her hunched shoulders, or maybe the way the life seemed to be drained from her body when she walked. I don't know what it was, but the next time I saw her, all I could feel underneath my racing heart was guilt.

I killed him. I had killed him, and she didn't suspect a thing.

I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her as tightly as I could, shutting my eyes as I inhaled her scent. "Lynn," I breathed out. If I could, I could hug her for days and I wouldn't notice a single minute pass by. It took a few seconds, but her thin arms eventually wrapped around my frame and she hugged me back. It wasn't done as tightly as I would have liked, but something was better than nothing. "Let's go sit."

I let her go. It pained me, but the pain was quickly diminished under the strong wave of guilt that almost left me breathless. I never felt guilt, so why did this woman cause such a weakening emotion to concur at a constant?

My eyes trailed after her frame. She seemed almost frail-like, unrecognizable, but that was what grief did to people. No, that was what I did to people.

I frantically grabbed her hand, the sight of her so weak sickening me, and led her to the front of the room. We sat down right in front of Mason's coffin. Lynn specifically requested a closed coffin funeral, although for the life of me I could not understand why. It was her brother—didn't she want to see him, in the flesh, in his last moments?

"Do you need anything?" I gently asked. I hated feeling this helpless. The only benefit from my actions was that she was leaning on me, which was my goal from the start, but I never would have done this if it meant losing the girl that had me interested in the first place. She was lifeless.

Lynn's misery filled eyes met mine and she shook her head, not a word escaping her frail lips. "My sister," she mumbled. "Lisa... she said... she said that she'd be here, but she isn't..."

"I'm sure she'll show up eventually," I said tentatively, searching the room. I hadn't met Lisa, but I did have a general idea of how she looked like. Surprisingly, upon entering the funeral, I had expected a fuller house, but the only people here were a couple of Mason's friends and two of Lynn's friends from her job. It was almost pathetic, in a sense.

"No," Lynn said firmly, looking so terribly distraught. "She won't."

"Lynn," I whispered. "What can I do to ease your pain?" I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Before she could respond, one of Lynn's coworkers motioned for her to come forward. She let go of my hand and slowly stood, walking passively towards... Jacob, was it? I found myself following her, despite the fact that I knew I should give her some privacy. I had no idea who he was, other than the fact that they worked together.

Jacob looked as distraught as Lynn, which led me to believe that he was closer to her than I was. I figured of course, but the statement bothered me far more than I would actually admit. He opened his arms for a hug, and to my dismay Lynn walked straight into it. The sight of them hugging so intimately, for so long, caused an intense array of irritation to spread throughout my body. Definitely not just acquaintances.

I clenched my fists. I hadn't felt rage this primal in a while.

"How have you been?" Jacob asked once they separated. Lynn thankfully went back to my side and my irritation lessened.