Behind This Smile ✔

Breakthrough

I've decided to take the plunge. I'm tired of feeling so sick and carrying around all this regret – like my life is just passing by with no meaning. But I know there's meaning out there; I see it in the light, in the eyes of those who walk in the light.

So that's what I want. I can almost hear the light as it whispers my name, I see it change others. I feel my heart letting go of the past, of the darkness.

I reach out. The first contact with the light zaps and buzzes, a tingle running up my arm and stinging the back of my eyes. It warms my body from the inside out, filling each tiny crack in my heart and soul with something so indescribable. Only the light can hold my heart. I've tried giving it to others but I've learned not to expect it back in the same condition. It's been tattered, torn, trampled into the cold hard ground. But now, since I've given it to the light, my heart has become whole, healed, healthy, and....thumping with new life.

The pain stops. Black turns to white as the night turns to day. Everything I used to see is now brighter, different. I can see truth between the lies; I can see love amidst hate; and, best of all, I can see life behind death. I guess that's the way the light makes beauty from ruins. It takes what we surrender, no matter how pitiful it is, and makes something beautiful from the brokenness.

I'm crying out from the broken mess I've made, because I now know I need the light more than anything else I've ever needed or ever will. And the light responds. No matter how far in the dark I am, no matter how tightly darkness holds me in chains, the light breaks through every single link and sets me free. It opens my eyes and breathes new life into my heart. I'm giving in to the light, to the constant beckoning that has followed me every step I've taken in darkness. The light has always been there, pleading with me to turn around and accept its beauty and forgiveness.

So I am. I'm dying to change. I've finally realized that living is dying to myself, to the darkness that held me captive for so long. I have to fall down to rise with the light. I have to close my eyes to the hate and fear to become unblind with the light. I have to stop breathing to come to life.