muted roses ➸ jeon jungkook

P R O L O G U E

00 | another day
Muted Roses Prologue

• Flashback•

"Jihye, take care of yourself when I'm gone." She said as I sit in this chair, watching her lifeless figure slowly withering.

Cancer. It's like a mosquito sucking blood from its prey, killing it slowly.

Mom had leukemia stage 3. It was slowly killing her and all I could do is watch. Watch as bruises started appearing all over her body, strands of hair falling from her head, watch as she coughs so hard that blood comes out, and watch as she suffers from the pain, day by day.

This was one of those times when I question God. Why? Out of all people, why my mom? My mom who was always so happy, so helpful, so generous. Why let someone like that suffer? Why take someone as strong as her away? She did nothing wrong, so why?

It's tiring. To stay strong. But I know I needed to for my mom. I can't cry in front of her cause I don't want her to feel that I'm giving up on her. But this time, I couldn't hold it in anymore. Tears fell like a waterfall.

She reached her hand out to my cheek, wiping tears that fell. I held it in mine not wanting to let go, feeling her once warm hands now icy cold. It felt so fragile, so fragile that I was afraid of holding it too tight because it might crush and holding it too lose because it might fall.

"Please, don't cry" She whispered.

And without even knowing it, her pale, slim hand, that was once in mine, fell as she slowly closed her eyes looking as if she was about to go to sleep. But of course, I knew better. If this was a sleep, It'll be asleep where she won't be able to wake up ever again.

----

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock echoing throughout my room. Turning it off, I stood up and walked to the bathroom.

I relaxed my body in the tub, feeling the warmness of the water, slowly closing my eyes. I sighed.

How are you up there mom?

After a few minutes of taking a bath, I dried myself and changed my clothes.

As always, I skipped breakfast, put on my shoes on and went out the door sighing as I wasn't ready to face this cruel world again.

~~~

Depression is when you don't really care about anything at all.

Anxiety is when you care too much about everything.

Having both is like staying in bed because you don't want to go to school, then panicking because you don't want to fail.

Having both is wanting to meet new people but ends up just staying in bed because you don't want to make the effort.

Having both is wanting to end your life but ends up stoping as the fear of pain hits you despite the pain you already felt.

Having both is waking up every morning afraid that you're going to continue on living in this world.

After mom died, I was depressed, axiety attacks me in the middle of the night. I would scream, cry and shake as the fear of losing someone flows in me. Dad never knew this because he was always so busy. He was most never home.

But he soon found out.

He was worried sick about me, and would do everything to make me happy as I was the only thing left to remind him of mom. I've always wanted this.

I've always wanted to spend time with dad because he comes home late and goes on business trip often as he was the one in charge of taking care of our family. Mom insisted of working but he wanted her to be with me. I really appreciate the things he did for me but it didn't help my situation. No one could ever make me feel the same way mom did, not even dad.

I was walking throught the quiet hallway, hearing only my footsteps. I arrived infront of Dads office and knocked.

"Appa, you wanted to see me?" I asked peeking through the door seeing as my father smile, looking at me, gesturing me to come in.

I walked in happily and sat down in one of the chairs.

"What did you wanna talk about?"

"Well you see, I wanna remarry." He answered, quite nervously.

"What?"

End of Prologue
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AN:
The prologue is short, I didn't want to give too much information, sorry~