161101

pt.1

You said „Don't leave like this."

I said „Don't worry. Even if I leave you'll do well on your own. I remember when I first met you. Before I knew it you grew into my heart like a lotus flower...Grew bigger and bigger though we are putting an end to our relationship . Don't ever feel sorry to me. I will get to meet you again no matter in which form. Greet me happily then..."

-

Since that very day I was put on my own. No more days of sharing pain and laughters. No more days of you leading me to the beauty of this dust-like speck within the galaxy. No more days of the endless love we shared. No more days of you and me...There was just me and only me.

What has changed now? - Nothing, if you ask me. You will always take the major spot in my heart no matter what and how many drugs, drops and drinks will be fed to me. My weak heart will always beat for that very person I once called mine. I was able to call you mine. Do you remember? Those memories are still so vivid to me. I hope you haven't forgotten. You said you would not take my empty spot for granted. You said you would work day and night, shed blood, sweat and tears to make it up to me again...Where are you now? Is my spot still empty? Are you waiting for my return?...No way. I am too ashamed to look you in the eyes again. I am too afraid to see you shattered down because of my selfish being. I am too...adapted to this life without you. Entering both of our lives again would throw us off our balance and we'd need to make up for that again. No, I don't want you to suffer more than you did. You are my precious; my invaluable treasure, hidden on the most distant island called Happiness of Life. I don't want to poison that island with my pathetic self. I will remain silent for your sake. I will endure the present pain and live on as I did for the past 4 years. It's not like my condition is going to change from today to tomorrow. I will keep on dragging my exhausted body through the white halls of this hospital and pray for your well-being everyday. The lotus flower is still blooming inside me and provides me the last strength left in my veins. The blooming life in my heart, the most beautiful part in there...Min Yoongi. I will always love you.

-

It was time to be discharged from my regular treatment at the hospital. I was recieving blood infusion for the past few months now. It was past noon as I packed my little suitcase and I already felt weird. The nurses recommended me to stay a few hours longer to prevent any complications but I refused since this wasn't my first time leaving so early planned. Walking through the air filled with scents of disinfectant, linoleum and vegetable soup I made it outside. The sun was shining brightly but the sky was still covered in white. I could not resist the coffee's seducing smell coming from the shop next to the sidewalk. I entered with my heavy steps to just spot a long queue infront of my eyes. With a quite sigh I was about to exit the coffee shop but was stopped by something tugging lightly on my jacket. I turnt around to see what was the case. I tall young man was standing infront of me. Chocolate brown hair falling down his face to just cover the barely strong eyebrows he had. His body had a fine toned posture and gave off the look of a trained adolescent. Reactionally I flinched from his action and avoided to build eye contact but the boy insisted to have a look at me while ducking down to my level. He was practically smiling and the corners of his bunny teeth were visuable. I did not move and replaced my suitcase behind my back.

„Hello!" He started to talk. „You seem like to go without ordering anything. It's because of the stuffiness here, right? Let me bless you with my urgent meeting and give you my coffee instead. I really need to hurry and I don't want to waste this cup by spilling it off throughout the marathon I'm going to run in no time." Before I could respond to his weird offer he pressed the hot cup in my two cold palms and left as soon as I jumped off my spot for his advantage. I went out as well and couldn't spot anyone else wearing Timberlands. I looked inside the coffee cup and he did not even took any sip of it. He must have been a really deligent youngster. As I was going to drink from it I observed the writing on the printed lines. „Jeon Jungkook." I read out only for me to hear. So that was his name - Jeon Jungkook. I continued my way towards the bus station.

Crossing the traffic lights to reach the stop I could barely recognize the countless features on the faces of the passing people. The vertigo took over me and I was slwoly starting to tumble while keeping my steps forward. It seemed so close yet so hard to reach and my feet felt heavier than I've ever known. Just a few more steps and I would have been able to sit down on the station's bench. Grey clouds started to gather above and covered the white skies. Starting from my legs the numbness surprassed each of my limbs and stopped me from further motion. I lost vision and everything was oddly sparkling until the pitch black occured. The last thing I've heard was a horrifying thunder and the last thing I felt was a strong pulse under my neck and knees.