to be honest

sixteen - I'm okay with failure...?

To be honest, I'm okay with failure...? I think I am. I just, don't care about anything at the moment. I don't even want to do school work. Like, especially out of school. I honestly want to email my English teacher my profile on here. Writing is way easier than talking. Paper and pen are much more forgiving than people. I don't like seeing people. I don't have my emotions in line. I honestly, just want to use names. I don't even want to worry about certain people finding this. I don't even care anymore. I'm okay with failing.

I'm okay with being held back and not having a life at all.

I'm okay with dying.

I still get scared and anxious when my brother doesn't pay attention to the road and he's on his phone. Apparently, laws won't even be followed by ones who know victims of accidents.

I'm addicted to the playlist "Flatsound" on Pandora. Some of the songs don't have words, or all it is is talking... And It's relaxing. I hate the people at my school. Sometime's they're okay. But they don't get it. If I tell this one idiotic girl to leave me the fuck alone, she won't. She'll keep hanging on me and saying we're best friends and talking to me and looking at me in class. One of these days, I swear to god, I'm either going to scream at her or slap her. But I know if I start screaming at her, I'd start crying... Good thing I only have her in one class, which is my last period.

Funny how much I wish it was summer and that I didn't have school, but when it's summer I wish I had school so I could occupy myself.

I can't wait until I get to leave for the rest of the year.

Today, I stayed in my friend's mom room, she's a teacher, and I just sat and did homework. I needed to not be by people and it both relaxed me and stressed me out more. I checked up on my email, and a few nights ago or last night, my memory is bad due to lack of sleep, and so anyways. I checked my email to see if our computer tech guy responded. I emailed him about having some websites blocked for either a pornography filter or swearing, when I checked on my iPod it didn't even have titles on the websites...

So, I started crying. And sorta just sat there, because he responded with(copy and pasted):

I reviewed the site and there are many inappropriate animations on that site far beyond swearing.

And so I responded by apologizing, and he said:

Please don't apologize for asking. It is something you have every right to do.

And I freaked out a bit more.

If you're curious, here's my original email:

Okay, so, I have a website I go on called Toonator, and people swear. . . I swear as well. But anyways. The language filter prevents me from seeing the artwork. Like, even if isn't a bad word, and right now I'm doing an animated collab with someone but I can't get to their work because it says 'pornography detected' or something to that extent, but when I look at it on my iPod I see nothing related to that what so ever... I don't have my own computer, or else this wouldn't be an issue. It gets stressful at times like I understand swearing is bad n such but if I or other people are upset it kinda comes out on its own. Sorry if this is an annoying, common, or stupid request in general. And Sorry that it's so late. help me out?Thanks,

School stresses me out too much to not be able to work on my artwork during study halls or lunch...

So I guess I'll just be using my sketchbook from now on. To save the trouble of the filters and my computer dying on me.

I'm planning on going to sleep after this but I don't feel like I can.

When I got home I went on youtube, to check up on my subscriptions, so I ignored the speed paints, because... Homework. So I watched regular ones... But on my recommended was this video: https://youtu.be/fPJgkSkUN7g 

and I even commented: this video gave me anxiety and im shaking really bad,,, but thankyou so much... thankyou..

I might just go to bed. I don't feel like writing anymore... Goodnight Wattpad.