Joining Ryan

Chapter One

 Astrid could see a faint light. Dim but definite in the otherwise absolute darkness.

Finding her courage, Astrid makes her way slowly forward, edging towards the orb of light slowly. For all she knew it could be a trap. Astrid had always been an overly cautious girl, preferring to chose the safest route, rather than the quickest and today was no different. 

However, just as Astrid began to feel as if she were nearing the orb, it vanished - Only to reappear further down the sombre corridor. Furrowing her brow, Astrid ups her pace only slightly, confused and yet still weary of the oddly eerie light.

Once again, as Astrid approached the light, it ceased to be visible. Plunging the hallway into pitch-darkness for a millisecond before returning further down the corridor. Annoyed now, Astrid's anger took over and instead of her cautious stepping - as she had been doing before - Astrid ran, bolting after the light in attempts to catch it; she wouldn't let it get away again.

This time, the orb seemed to wait for Astrid to get close enough to touch it before disappearing into thin air, frustrating Astrid further. She had no idea why but something was telling her, no, demanding of her to get the light, to catch it before it fades and that's what she was determined to do.

It was then that Astrid heard the one sound she thought she'd never hear again - Ryan's voice. It was soft and distant at first, however, after a while grew more urgent, calling for her. Astrid could hear him almost begging her to help him. Save him. No, she couldn't handle this. What was happening? The hallway seemed to deteriorate, vanishing like the orb before her, until she was suspended in nothingness, forced into total darkness - Her only piece of hope disappearing.

Although the voice persisted. Begging her to help. Stop it. Stop it. Astrid's mind raced; she felt sickened. What was going on? Her hands felt binded to the air, however hard Astrid tried, she couldn't get free to find the source of that devastating voice.

It was then that a flash of light - not unlike to the orb she followed eariler -  appeared before her. Gradually it began to grow in size, twisting and turning like putty until it formed the shape of a human.

Ryan.

Astrid screamed. The invisible bindings still stopping her from reaching him. Holding him. Being with him once more. Astrid's heart was in her throat. She couldn't take it any longer. Her mind was a mess. She just wanted it to end. This was nothing if not pure torture for the girl. 

It was then that Astrid awoke, her back slicked with sweat; her hands clammy. Whatever just happened was over, Astrid was in her same old bed. Her same old room. Her same old house. There was nothing holding her back but then, there was no Ryan. It was just a dream.

Astrid wasn't sure whether she was happy or not. Of course, she was free of her chains but then, where was Ryan? At least in her dream she could see him, if not touch him, he was there. Standing right in front of her, a mere three steps and Astrid would have reached him. 

Obviously, she knew it wouldn't have worked. He was a figure of her imagination. The real Ryan was dead. Him appearing like that was impossible. Astrid had to let it go.

But letting go was so hard; She didn't want to. Astrid wanted to cherish her memories of their times together, not forget them. She wanted to keep him with her for as long as possible, not neglect the only thing that was keeping her sane. 

Sliding off her childish care bears themed duvet cover, Astrid stretches and then gets out of her bed. There was no way she could sleep after that. Instead, Astrid did what she usually did the night that she couldn't sleep - Which was gradually turning into every night.

Reaching her bookshelf, Astrid pulls out a plain black notebook. It seemed innocent enough. Until you opened it. 

Inside that book held Astrid's plan. Her plan to join Ryan. 

Her death.

While Astrid knew full well many would say she was insane. That this was too extreme. Ryan wasn't even a relative. But they didn't know. They wouldn't ever understand. Ryan was more than a friend. More than a best friend, even. He was part of her.

Ever since they had been kids, it was always Astrid and Ryan. They were inseparable and now, well, now she was expected to go on. Without him. It was as if she was being ask to live without a vital organ.

Shaking her head, Astrid knocked the thought from her mind. Something had changed within her. Astrid had become more cynical, her outlook on life changing to something of a darker nature and it was starting to affect her social life.

It had been months since she had left the house to go anywhere but school. Going out with her other friends just didn't seem appealing. Astrid felt like none of them actually knew her. The real her. They only knew her façade of happiness. No one but Ryan had ever seen the darkness within her. The very thing that right now, threatened to rip her apart.

She shouldn't have let her pain progress this far. Astrid knew that but she couldn't help opening the black book. Reading over her carefully marked out plan. It seemed to be fool proof. Nobody could stop her now.

That was the moment Astrid decided she was really going to do it. Tomorrow. Her mother was working late and Bethany, her younger sibling, was staying over at her friends house. Yes. It would be perfect.

Finally, she'd be free.