oh, ms believer is a goner.

3.11.16

Hey again! Sorry, for not updating yesterday, I had a bit of an off day and that resulted in excessive procrastination. And I mean 'I'd rather tidy my room and do the dishes than my homework' lazy. I just missed Anna, really-I had such a busy day that I couldn't even text her until 1:40 in the morning for her. I feel so bad and I hate timezones, argh. But anyways, here are my lyrics so far, if you're interested.

My mind is shutting down

In this broken world of mine

Alienated by my dreams and

Unaware of time

Stuck in the void of

my depressing thoughts

Twisted in my soul

Please let me go

And save me from these taunts

No more crisis, no more loss

I gotta get my head over these doubtful thoughts

But the pain will ease it, help it and cease it

Drawing ruby pretty pictures spilling thick ink on my carpet

I can't think straight-where am I?

Stuck in the abyss of your pretty little lies

Tortured by the adolescence of the darkness

I gotta climb out-out of here before I starve my loneliness

And repress away my very last strings of sanity

Never again to be regained

In shackles of regret and resentful pain

I will forever be here chained

For it's all in my mind

This is child's play

Stuck with my demons and here I will remain

Yup. I went deep. I guess it just represents my feelings right now.

7 am (waking up in the mORNING--no? ok, i'll let myself out.)

So, mum forgot the clocks had turned back an hour so she thought it was eight am and literally screamed at me saying I forgot to reset my alarm and saying it was my fault and all those motherly assumptions my dearest mother makes to try and make it seem like she wasn't at fault at all when as soon as we got into the car it said 7:30 am. That's right. So after what seemed like a million hours waiting outside the school I groggily got out of the car when it turned to 8:30, slamming the door behind me. Honestly, I felt peeved-but I thought of Goner and I was happy again, wondering what she was doing. Probably stuck in chemistry bored to death.

Nothing except wallowing in sadness happened in lessons today (but I did find out my temporary RE teacher has a chocolate obsession) so I won't go into too much detail except they were BORING. Thursday and Friday timetables on both of my alternating weeks are downhill. All of the good subjects are taken up from monday to midweek. I secretly listened to twenty one pilots songs on my phone during lessons which made them much better.

3:15pm

Freedom!~ Although a boy picked on my friend so I stood up for her and his mate poured a whole bottle of water over my head. Fun fun fun. It was even more fun trying to explain to mum why I looked like a wet dog.

4:30pm:

I finally got home and immediately changed out of my uniform, appreciating my non wet clothing. Ooh, nice shade, Casey. *sarcasm*

My head really hurts and I start to feel a little woozy. I don't tell anyone, just fall asleep to House of Gold. 

8pm:

Where did the day go?! At this point I realised I hadn't texted Anna yet. I yelped and quickly turned on my phone. I know how anxious my bean can get. It pretty much went like this.

(Her texts are in bold.)

Casey?

Apples.

XD

Casey? Apples.

ROSS IS THAT YOU?

nOOOO????

ROSS WYD HERE

oh u kno just visiting

Mhmmmmm

*and then a few lines of inside jokes and realising i forgot to update yesterday*

________________________________________

Anna has a military training course tomorrow, I hope she sleeps well as it sounds hard. She's usually up til 3 am on her phone, just like me. I'm considering joining the Cadettes, too, but I'm not sure as it will just inflict more time that I get to spend with Goner. I hope she's okay, we didn't get to speak much today. 

Bby

I'm going to sleep now bc tomorrow is the military thingy and its gonna be hard. So night. Ily! sweet dreams, and don't do anything bad whilst i'm gone.

(I put 'I'll try not to' but it didn't send because of my wifi :( )

ok im gonna stop now but

I LOVE YOUUU<3 HUGS5EVER BAIIII

thank you <3 ly too and good luck, lemme know how it goes! x

ps try not to die, i need you here with me :3

________________________________________________________

I love her so much. And it's not the romantic type of love. It's a love that I can't quite explain.

But still. I love her. A lot.

It's getting late so I'm gonna listen to Regional at Best to help me sleep. Goodnight x