That One Mistake (ManxMan) Short Story #Wattys2017

Chapter #4| Missing pieces

I begged him.

Man, did I beg for him to listen.

To feel what I feel.

His back haunts me.

It gives me a reminder what I cannot have.

Watching him walk away with her beside him.That should be me holding his hand, that should be me accepting the wedding ring. I could scream, I could cry but it won't change the past and future. She's the only person that can make him happy, she can give him children and make his dream come true.

No matter how far I run, I'll always come back to the very beginning, it's a never ending cycle and I am not strong enough to break free and choose my own path. I knew from the beginning my feeling will create chaos.

I knew he doesn't love me.

So why force him?

I stood still watching time fast forward to the future, I stood beside him hearing him say his vows. His gaze filled with love and affection towards her, here I stand letting him go while I die inside. I will always remember how gentle he holds me, how his kisses still tingles on my skin and how good he feels inside of me. I felt free, I felt like I mean something to him and pretended it's only me he can see and not her.

I force myself to forget lonely nights he arrive when she broke his heart, I force myself to forget him saying her name as he climax. I'll force myself to forget him using me because I am stupid enough to love him. I wanted to abandon my love for him and yet how can I when he's still part of my life?

"Let's spice up our friendship" he says. I close my book and looked at him like he's talking another language.

"What do you mean?" I dared to ask. Gabriel smirked.

"Let's have sex" he replies. I gasped.

"W-What?!" I said. Gabriel laughed saying I made a funny expression once he said that, I wanted to believe he was joking. I knew he's straight as a pole and now he's suggesting sex to a gay man, something is wrong with him. He told me she pregnant I lost it, I didn't want to accept the truth.

"I love you Gabriel, I loved you ever since we were born" I cried.

"Don't say that Nathan, I love her not you" he replied. I drop down to my knees, I begged him to love me and leave her. When he turned his back my heart cracked, I ran after him and hugged him tight whispering my love for him.

"It's time to let go Nathan. I am sorry" he says letting the door slam shut.

"Nathan! Stop!" yelled Gabriel. I got into my car turning the engine on, I saw him speeding behind me.

I looked at Gabriel one last time.

Until.

Boom.

*****

I screamed.

I cried.

Gabriel hugged me tight.

What am I remembering!

"Make it stop!" I sobbed. My head throbbed while my vision blurred, images flashes before me, different voices blocks Gabriel's. The truck struck my car, my head slammed against the steering wheel than the window.

"D-Don't touch me! It's all your fault!" I yelled at him. I pushed Gabriel away and stumbled when I tried to stand.

"Talk to me Nathan, what are you remembering?" he asks.

"I-It hurts, everything hurts" I cried.

"What hurts?" he asked. Tears roll down his cheek, unable to do anything I am sure he's feeling helpless. That man, he died because of Gabriel, he loved him and sacrifice his love and happiness for Gabriel to marry her and be happy.

"My heart" I replied.

"Y-You killed him, h-he loved you and he died because of you" I said to him. Gabriel continued to cry.

"I didn't kill him Nathan, I did hurt his heart but he's alive" he replied. Gabriel stepped forward as our face meet.

"Where is he?" I asked. Gabriel smiled sadly.

"Right in front of me" he replied.

Then.

He kissed me.

"Daddy!"