The Blonde Gallagher [SHAMELESS]

ONE

"Nobody's saying our neighborhood is the Garden of Eden. Hell, some people say God avoids this place altogether, but it's been a good home to us... to me and my kids, who I'm proud of, 'cause every single one of them reminds me a little bit of me.

Fiona, my rock, huge help. Has all the best qualities of her mother, except she's not a raging psycho bitch.

Joel, thanks to me she's a little rich bitch. I hate her and I mean, who wouldn't hate a rich bitch on the South Side who doesn't spare her own pops a couple hundred here and there to buy drugs and booze?

Lip, smart as a whip. Straight "A"s and the honor roll. Boy's definitely going somewhere.

(siren wailing)

Ian, industrious, conscientious, ambitious, incredible work ethic. Don't have a clue where he got that from. Wants to be a paratrooper. Knows how to disembowel an enemy with a roll of dimes and an old gym sock.

Carl. Uh, I don't really know that much about Carl. Oh, loves animals. Always dragging home some poor stray he found, taking them up to his room.

(meows)

Ah, Debbie. Sent by God, total angel. Raises money for UNICEF year-round, some of which she actually turns in. Liam, going to be a star. I'm no biologist, but he looks a little bit like my first sponsor. He and the ex were close.

Kev and Veronica, fantastic neighbors. There's nothing they won't do for each other. Or to each other. That didn't hurt half as much as I thought it would. I never realized how little sex I was having till V and Kev moved next door.

And me, Frank Gallagher, father, teacher, mentor, captain of our little ship. We may not have much, but all of us, to a man, knows the most important thing in this life... we know how to fucking party!"