Depression (Harry Styles Fan Fic)

Chapter 1

I shut my eyes, letting the darkness of the early morning envelope me, and the wind carry my thoughts away. I took a deep breath, in then out. Repeat. I opened my eyes to climb on the barrier between safety and death. I spread my arms out like a bird and turned around, my back facing death, then I shut my eyes. I took a step back. Before relief could find me, a hand yanked me back to safety where I fell on top of a man.

----

I jolted up, every part of my body was either shaking or drenched in a cold sweat, yet a wicked smile was on my face. The dream I had almost every night would usually leave me unsatisfied. But tonight's dream was different. Each night I would be walking to the bridge that connected two large cities, with no cars on the bridge. Each night I would come closer and closer to the middle where I would take my leap of faith. Tonight I thought I would leave the safe side, and I would plummet to the side of death. But I had been saved.

I would dream of it,dying that is, I hadn't actually had enough courage yet to really jump. I had been depressed for almost a year, on and off. But it was becoming progressively worse. I didn't have the off switch anymore. Well I did, but for only a few hours. I was like a wind up toy, wind me up and I was happy. But all wind up toys eventually stop and need winding again. Except there isn't always a way to get wound up, sometimes, more than often, you're alone so your mind gets clouded with a storm called Depression.

I plopped back down on my pillow, I glanced at the clock, 3:34am. I huffed and turned to lay on my stomach. I closed my eyes to think about my dream. It was strange, someone was on the bridge. No one was ever on the bridge. Ever. A man had definitely grabbed me, but I was so close. I shut my eyes and let the feeling of emptiness envelop me. My breathing became slower, and I became number, if that was at all possible, and fell asleep.

----

When I finally woke up it was around noon. Waking up around this time was normal, I was living with my friend Karis while going to school part time and working part time. Which to me was simply pointless, a waste of time and money. I was going to die one day, hopefully soon. I had today off work and there wasn't a class today.

Funny thing is, I'm studying psychology and I can't even get my own screwed up mind into order. I could help people, I'm great at giving advice, but not to myself. Its different giving someone who was beautiful and skinny and smart advice, but giving yourself advice when you hated yourself was hard.

"Alice Brynn!"

"What Karis?"

"C'mon, we have to get going soon!"

I flipped the blankets off me to go talk to her, I really had the slightest idea what she was talking about.

"I have the slightest idea what you're talking about, please, enlighten me."

She let out a frustrated huff, "Remember? That thing," I shook my head, "We have to go to that seminar thing for incoming freshman!"

oh. That thing.

"Oh, is it mandatory? Can't you just tell me what happens when you get back?"

If you're still alive then, Alice.

My voices always talked to me. Well, they weren't specifically voices, just a voice. My voice was me. The perfect version of me. Bright blue eyes, golden brown hair, perfect size 2, and a height of five foot six. And I can't forget about the flawless skin, no stretch marks, acne, or the cuts on my writs, thighs, or stomach. While me, regular Alice, or Ally for short, had dull blue eyes, and lifeless boring brown hair. And my body was a disgusting size 8, stretch marks, occasional acne,and scars covering my body included.