Random Rants of Random

Having a Crush

I. Hate. It.
Well that was a simple chapter!
Nah, I'm joking. But in this chapter I will write about my almost nonexistent love life. Please realise that all of the names have been changed for my friends' privacy.

It started out with me seeing these two girls around school. They took different classes then me but I always seemed to see them everywhere. The first had long, flowing, brown hair and was always laughing. The second had short, styled, black hair and was always smiling.

I met the first through a friend from my previous school. They worked together on large projects all the time. My friend, Alice, introduced us and we immediately became friends. The first was called Emily.

Emily took me the next day to meet her friends. They were all one or two years older than us and they were all messing around. That was when I met the second. Their name was Lily but they preferred Dan since they were gender fluid, later to identify as male.

I am surprisingly flirty in real life, so I would flirt with anyone (except Mila and Aya since they were together), including Emily.

Emily told me before that they thought they were pansexual and since I was hitting on her, everybody else in the group shipped us.

Eventually, it came to a point where everybody's 'aww's and 'ooh's got annoying, so I asked Emily out.

Everybody was waiting in anticipation and, luckily for me, she said yes. At least, I thought it was lucky for me.

At midnight, Emily texted me. They said they weren't sure if they were pansexual or not, and they thought they were straight. They had only said yes because of how pressurising everybody was being. I said I understood and we went our separate ways.

Meanwhile, Dan and I were really good friends and I had the biggest crush on them imaginable.

One day, I asked who Dan had a crush on. They said it was three people. One called called Harley, one called Ben and me. I was over the moon with excitement.

We kept texting into the night and I got more and more flirtatious every time. There was one night when we were playing truth or dare and they said 'truth'.

It had been a while since they said they liked me and I wanted to make sure. I asked if they still had a crush on me.

They said no.

They said that they really liked me but crush wasn't the right word. I was confused as all Hell, not knowing if like is more or less than a crush.

I then found out it was less.

I was heartbroken if I'm honest and from then on, though I never noticed before, I felt like they talked about Harley so much more.

I told them that Harley was already in a relationship with someone called Joe and that they shouldn't break them apart. Dan said that they would wait a year for them to break up.

I said that was selfish, and there are other people out there (hint hint). They agreed.

I said I'd always be there for them and they said it back.

At this point, I felt more confident and started being slightly more head on when flirting. They flirted back and I was so, so happy.

I went to a Bastille concert one day and I was texting Dan all the way through. We were playing a game where they would ask me questions about themself and I had to guess the answer.

They then asked which celebrity they'd like to fuck the most. I had no clue and said Evan Peters. They laughed and said it was Ruby Rose*.

When I had first texted them, they said I reminded them of her. I was immediately on the floor, melting whilst Alice (who came with me to the concert) was looking very concerned.

From then on, I tried to look past it but became more flirty, as per usual. But then Ben, Dan's crush, messaged me on Instagram. They said that I made Dan feel uncomfortable and it was obvious that I liked them. I knew it was obvious- I wasn't exactly hiding it. But they never told me they felt uncomfortable.

This really angered me and I immediately texted Dan. I told them it wasn't fair that they made Ben tell me that and not them- especially over social media/a text. If you want to tell someone something so important at least tell them in real life.

Dan apologised and said that it was wrong. I thought we could move past that. But because of how I naturally speak to people, we didn't. Every day I would casually flirt with everyone but whenever I did to Dan I had to stop myself and say sorry. I was fucking heartbroken.

I tried to forget about it but they always seemed so distant and awkward whenever I spoke to them. This made me feel like a really, really bad person. So I stopped. I didn't talk to them. I ignored the group. I moved on.

Eventually I was back talking to the group again and it was fine. Dan and I were friends and I stopped my habit of flirting.

But then someone else has to come in and ruin my life again. (Not literally- love you person-I'm-going-to-give-a-random-name)

I won't go into detail about this because they have Wattpad and they read my stories (yet they don't follow me). Basically, she ruins my life on a constant basis and I don't even know if she's gay/bisexual/other soooo I'm fucked.

If you're reading this, please love me ;-;

Okay I think that's enough.
In simplicity, crushes have ruined my life and that is why I'm failing all of subjects :)

But for now
Goodbye :D

*Ruby Rose is an actor/model I think lol. Basically a really frikin hot celeb who was in oitnb