I'm Here For You »»» Fillie

Chapter four// Unrealistic

October 27th, 2017

Millie's day somewhat drags by in a flash, only memories of filming were on her mind. Finn, of course, being so close to her made it illustrious, in a sense, but after he left early... her feelings about the matter declined carefully. But, something made Millie extremely curious. Why did Finn leave early, he seemed rather downcast about the issue, but she didn't pry enough to get proper answers.

"Michael, thank you so much for hiring me. I'm having an amazing time on set already." Millie bids her farewell, at the end of the day, and Michael replies with an eager smile. "See you tomorrow, Millie!" Leo, the boy who plays Tommy, waves goodbye, and Millie returns by a small wave.

A quiet, almost eerie silence fills the car, her dad driving in a swift and hushed manner. The silence somewhat makes Millie nervous, like something really bad's going to happen. She doesn't know why, but it's almost like a natural instinct in her core, it makes her feel... paranoid. All though it sounds unrealistic, just silence can't make anyone feel this strange. While most, including you, might assume that... it's wrong.

Millie Bobby Brown, she fears so many things. The dumbest of things, in one's perception. She's a young girl, consumed by overwhelming anxiety. Every single day, she has to go through things. Fear, of tiny things, leaking into her conscious reality, as though her walls are broken, covered in cracks and chips.

Well, they are. Static and direct, her walls, once glistening under the light of everything, relatively eroded. And though it's not easy to deduce just by having a mild conversation, only her closest friends will notice.

No one has noticed, yet. Because her breakdowns, when too much of these intolerable endorphins do manage to seep through, she'll melt. She'll break down, silently. Engulfed in tears, the silence just as strangling as the previous time.

It's easy to say, you would think. Yet, it's the hardest thing in the world to articulate. Even for such an intelligent young girl, how would you describe that almost everything can scare you? From silence, to darkness, to just some scary movie that Finn introduced her to. Anything can, and she knows it.

Vulnerable.

Weak.

Scared.

Every single day, even with the smile, her swirling eyes of brown can depict some sort of fear, one way or the other.

In this sense, though... she's just like Finn. Smiles and masks, the strongest accessories in the world.

Yet, being terrified doesn't make Millie sad, unlike it does Finn. Millie is grateful, of the twinkling stars, to the barren earth, to life itself. She's so grateful, too grateful.

Yet scared. That's respect. Yet hers is very strong, obedient and silent.

She is one of the things she fears, silent.

"Dad?" She asks, glancing up from her internal reasoning and conversation, deciding that she needs someone to talk to.

"Hm, sweetheart?" He hums, and Millie lightly smiles. "Could I hang out with one of my friends today?" She solicits, reaching for her phone in the pocket. "Depends, which one?" He narrows his eyes in jesting, obviously joking. "Well, I was thinking... Finn?" She smiles nervously, Finn is the first friend that comes to mind. "Finn, huh?"

"Yes, Finn is my friend." She counters, still giggling nervously. His reactions to Finn are the greatest, to her. "He's the kid who looooooveesss you." He drags the sound out, grinning. He delivers the words in a monotonous voice, leading Millie to believe that he's picking on her, yet not to fond with the idea.

Millie, of course, blushes uncontrollably at the thought of that.
What if he does? That would be... I would like that, I like him a lot, and oh, Millie, quit thinking to yourself.

"No, he's just a friend. Can I?"

Her dad laughs, waving it off. "I was only joking, sweetheart." Millie rolls her eyes, and looks down at her phone. With a sudden swell of confidence, she texts quickly, 'hey u! Want to hang out? ^^' and impatiently wait for a response.

Finn: yea, see you soon

That was quick, she thinks triumphantly. Out of pure curiosity, she decides to ask him a question. 'where are u?' she slowly types out, eager for a response.

Just as lightning fast as the previous one, the phone beeps.

Finn: 'Doctor's office. Needed a check up.'

Good enough answer, she thinks hastily within her mind. 'Hey, Finn. I want to talk to you about something...' she does type this out, but about to send it... no avail. Her courage leaves her as fast as it swept in, and she leans back against the car seat, signing.

"You all right, Mills?" Her dad snaps her out of her thoughts, and she glances up, wide-eyed. "Yeah. Just, I feel like-" she's promptly interrupted by a chuckle. "That you looooooveeee him?"

Blushing profusely, the younger girl refuses. "No, not that." She waves that off, even if these teasing words do slightly affect her.

"Never mind, dad. It doesn't matter." Her tone is dismissive, and he finally drops the subject. "Okay, hun. Whatever you say," her dad finalizes, leaving them in an uncomfortable silence.

Almost forgetting to respond, she rapidly types, 'oh, ok. See u later!' and, as usual, the conversation ends there.

She wishes she could talk to Finn, more than normal. But even he's not noticing her discrepancy. Although a somewhat selfish wish, she kind of wants him to notice, someone to be aware of the horror that lies within her.

It sounds fake, something that could easily get overcome... something unreal. That's not the case, though. Unrealistic as can be, yet deeper and truer then reality itself. Ever heard such contrasting words?

Thirteen and trying to slip by, without a breakdown of fear, an overwhelming pit of complete hopelessness.

No one notices. Well, she is an actress, after all. Perfect.

(I'm so sorry about this update... I'll be honest, it's a horrible chapter. It's really hard to articulate anxiety, properly. Even with me, who actually has it. So, my bad for it... tell me a way to revise it? Always open to criticism! :D)

(Also, I like ferrets.)