My Thoughts

Another song?

I was going through some old notes in my digital notebook. I use that for any book ideas, I can write them down and on there, I string the plan together, and then it goes to Wattpad as the final draft.

I was looking at one that was just for songs and poems. I call it "Pain Medicine". I wrote it years ago. Here it is;

"You look at me.

Tell me I'm ugly.

You say I'm fat.

And, baby, I love that.

You kindly put me in my place,

You call me a disgrace.

I love that about you, you make me feel pain.

I love that about you, you make me feel pain.

My medicine for pain,

Sometimes, when I don't want it,

You still come through.

I feel like you have done this world a favour,

By telling this girl the truth.

Thanks to my medicine, my pain,

I laugh and feel like it's in vain

My medicine always tells me that I am just so dumb,

That something is wrong with my brain.

Someone help me, I have an addiction to this pain.

He is my medicine, misery, and most of all my love.

My love for this pain.

My medicine,

Medicine for pain.

Even when I don't want it,

You still come through.

Look at you, with all your friends,

Laughing and telling them about what you've said.

You've done this world a favour,

By telling me the truth,

I love this pain, the pain I savour.

No one told me about the side effects,

And now I really need this pain to continue.

My medicine,

Medicine for pain,

Even when I don't want it you still come through.

No one ever told me,

This medicine had side effects,

But now that I know them,

This pain needs to STOP!"

You're probably wondering if their is a story behind it, not really. But yes, at the same time. I had over exaggerated. And someone was like "we need a song for that."

Some guy kept walking up to me, and making fun of me. He thought that I always came to him, so he could down grade me more. He thought I enjoyed it. I just wanted to avoid large crowds, as I got to my next class. He thought that I liked pain, he asked if I needed medicine for depression. One day, I burst into tears, because someone had told me that I was an awful person, for liking a certain colour.

I hated judgement. I started crying, finding a way to change myself (before I met Kat and she made me realize that being me was okay.)

He comforted me, and he didn't tease me for a few days, I thought that it was over.

Next week, he started it up again. Brave the pain, or brave the crowd? I chose the path that won't make me start hyperventilating. I had (and still have) a fear of dying by having the air squished out of me, by a small space. I am claustrophobic. (No, that does not mean I'm afraid of Santa Claus. That is ridiculous.)

So I had complained to a friend, he fixed the problem real nicely. *grins like Undertaker* (from Black Butler.)

And then, I made this song. Three years ago. When I was in middle school.

The friend that fixed the problem has since moved away, and now I wish he were back. He makes life enjoyable sometimes. But now I have knew friends. He is like my tall, artificial- blonde, sophomore friend.