Decisions

Facing the Truth

Hae Soo sat on the rocky ledge overlooking the river, eating her humble dinner composed of bland rice and beans, all the while nursing her knee. The pain was worse today because of what happened earlier. She had gotten into a fight with a few other water maids, resulting in her newly-dried laundry to be tossed back into the river, thrown about as she tried to retrieve all the garments again. It didn't help that the rest of the water maids pointed and laughed, some even kicking water at her, soaking her even further.

She should have kept quiet, should have just walked away even after she knew the girl had purposely tripped her. But she had held it in for so long. Her own anger caused her to toss her basket onto the ground, turning around to glare at the girls. Even when they threw laundry at her, she should have walked away. Instead, she threw it back, ready to fight and defend herself. But then they brought up Court lady Oh, and her anger dissipated, disappearing along with the water flowing down the river in which they were working. She let them bully her until they grew bored, and went back to their work. When she had managed to gather all of the garments they scattered, she limped further down the river to dry them all again by herself, remaining there even after everyone else had finished. Night had fallen long before she got back to the Gyobang, and the only dinner left for her was this cold and half dried rice ball.

She sighed and took another bite of her food, barely tasting it, chewing quickly before swallowing it down. She was about to take another one before she felt the hairs on her neck raise, and saw a shadow fall across her from behind. Turning around, she saw the 8th prince standing with his hands clasped behind his back. Setting her half-eaten rice ball onto the ground, she stood up as quickly as possible. At least, as quickly as she could with an aching knee.

She hadn't seen him in a year, and seeing him again after all that time made her heart flutter. He still looked the same, though perhaps a bit more subdued and reserved. He looked at her, and she saw his eyes glance towards her knee.

"Is your leg still unwell? I heard Jung sent you medicine," he said after a moment.

Was that concern laced in between his words? Or did she imagine it? She looked down at her leg before she answered.

"Only when I work too long, or if I am by the water." After a moment's pause, she added "I am all right." Why did she feel as if she had to say that? Maybe she was so used to hiding how she really felt.

"Are you upset with me? Do you hate me?" He asked her.

Soo kept silent. She had felt upset, especially during the beginning when she first arrived at the Gyobang. Did she hate him? No, but what were these other feelings? He continued to speak, thinking her silence meant an affirmation to his questions.

"I could not promise you anything. That is why I could not come."

Why did he wait a year, only to say that to her now? She finally put a name to the feelings

bubbling up inside her: frustration, disappointment, and perhaps anger.

"Because I've become so useless...because I cannot do anything for you..."

None of these reasons mattered. They weren't the words she wanted to hear.

"...I cannot get you back because the King's anger was too great over Court Lady Oh. I do not dare bring up marriage—"

"Did you even miss me? Even once? Did you ever miss me?"

She finally let herself ask those burning questions. The moment she had seen him, she wanted to ask if he had missed her like she missed him. But he never addressed it. She noticed the pause before he answered.

"Every day. I longed for you every moment."

Why didn't she feel better after finally hearing those words? Was it because they seemed so empty, as if they held no meaning to them? Did he really miss her? Would he have ever told her that if she didn't ask? She sighed and looked away.

"That is all I need, then. That's enough."

"The situation will get better now."

Hae Soo looked up at the 8th prince, her questioning eyes searching his face. How could it get better? She couldn't see a way out after a year of this back-breaking, repetitive work. What more could be done?

"So once I get more power—"

Power; so that was what he meant. More power than he had now as a prince. What else could that mean except for becoming King? But that would mean committing treason. No, becoming King would not solve anything. She was a mere water maid, and she had a scars upon her body. How could he marry her like that if he ever did became king?

"Do not overexert yourself on my behalf. I have seen enough of that."

She saw him clench his teeth before hearing him speak, his tone cold now.

"Do not make me feel sorrier than I do," he said before turning away. He didn't get far before she spoke again.

"Did I ask you to feel sorry towards me?"

He turned around, and the look on his face made her realize something else: she could no longer

recognize him. Had a year changed him that much? Or rather, had a year allowed her to remove her rose-tinted lens, and see who her Wook truly was? Well, she supposed he wasn't hers anymore, was he?

"I understand that you were powerless, but why are you blaming it on me? Was it my fault I got into this mess? Was it my fault you could not help me in a time of need?"

She looked at him through the film of tears that had accumulated; tears from the frustration at his answers; tears from the disappointment of realizing he would never give her the answers she really wanted, even needed, to hear; tears from the anger at herself for waiting this long.

"There is no reason why you should feel sorry. You made that clear the day you never showed up, even as I was being led to my death. You made it clear again when you turned your back on me while I was kneeling in front of the King's quarters."

She blinked and felt a tear trickle down her face. Taking in a shaky breath, she continued.

"I still do not understand why you did that, especially after you told me you would prove my innocence. And for the past year, I wondered and wondered. Eventually, I wanted to accept that I would never know. But like a fool, I waited; I waited and hoped that you would come and explain to me why."

She let out a dry laugh after a moment, the sound feebly coming out of her throat.

"But I can see that even you being here tonight will not answer my questions. All you are doing is blaming me and giving me vague excuses."

"They are not excuses!"

She flinched at the sound of his voice. He had never raised his voice at her before. She saw him hesitate at her reaction, and took that opportunity to speak again.

"Then explain to me: why are you powerless? Why are you feeling useless? Why?!"

He stared at her after her outburst. But even after moments had passed, she could see that he wasn't going to tell her anything. He never planned to despite this visit, and there was nothing she could do about it. Her resolve hardened, and she looked at him one last time.

"I can see that you are done here. Please, do not linger any longer on my behalf. I do not need your pity."

She gave him a stiff bow, and then turned around to sit again, grimacing as she did. Reaching for her now even colder dinner, she stared out into the river and didn't dare look back until she heard his footsteps grow further and further away, going until she could no longer hear them.

Only then did Soo let the rest of her tears fall.

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No copyright infringement was intended. This is simply a fan work based on the drama "Moon Lovers - Scarlet Heart: Ryeo".