Memes of Nearly Everything

Not a meme, but hope it makes you laugh

Ok so, some people have inboxed me saying to update  this book. Saying they enjoy these memes, however I have a guilty conscience and feel bad for taking other people's materials. So I thought I might make some rants about life in general usually about how stupid this generation can become or just life experiences and hopefully make you laugh.

So here it goes, hope you enjoy my attempt at stand up comedy:

So I was at my friends house when he said,
"Hey wanna go get some pizza from dominos? It's just a 10 minute walk from here."

So me like most teenagers, is like "hell yea! Let's go!"
I obviously didn't think this through because I was not wearing appropriate foot wear aka thongs/flip flops and didn't know that a supposed shortcut was through "bush" and by bush I mean a kids play area with long grass. But I'm getting side tracked...

So when we finally get to Dominos and order our food, whilst we sit down and I pick out bindis from my shoes and feet. I look up and see one of my crushes just so happen to walk into the store, now note it's like 29 degree heat and humid as all hell. So I'm sweating so much that I have pit stains and probably smell just fabulous (note use of sarcasm) and am currently picking out bindis out of my shoes in a very attractive position (and by attractive I mean, hunched over and swearing as the bindis keep on getting stuck in my fingers).

Now I try not to make eye contact. But my friend thinks it would be a great idea to try and talk to him. So what felt like eternity of awkward conversation which basically went like this:
"Hey Jasmine(not real name)"
"Hey Dave (again not real name)"
"What are you doing?" He asks with a puzzled face.
"Oh, I'm getting bindis out of my shoes."
"That must sucks!" He laughs. Oh if only you knew...

So we now have our pizza and begin our walk back to my friends house, just as we are about to walk through the "bush" I hear moaning. And no! Not sexual moaning, like moaning in pain. So I turn around and see this maybe 30 year old man walking a few metres behind us, clutching at his stomach. For a split second my inner Angel goes "maybe we should help him" then I go oh wait shit man! His eyes are blood shot and he is shaking like a leaf and has a fanny pack on and is wearing a black hoodie that has so many holes in it I wondering how it's not falling apart and he only has one thong on.

Mate! This just screams junkie (junkie is a word for someone addicted to drugs) so I turn to my friend and whisper yell at him,
"There is a junkie behind us, we need to get home now!" Now my idiot friend thinks it would be a good idea to stop and think about talking to the guy.

Now I don't know about you but I have seen enough movies to know that if you are under 18 or a girl and you see a junkie looking man walking behind you. You run for the hills, sonic the hedgehog that shit! Because unless you wanna get raped or killed, you do not stick around.

So I literally grab my friends arm and drag him through the "bush". All the while this guy is fucking following us, so I have gone full survival mode right now. Like there is a low hanging branch, I could snap it hit the guy with it whilst my friend takes the pizza and calls the police. No better yet! My friend is a dancer he can high kick this bastard whilst I run for the hills with the pizza. Great plan! Now I look back to see if this guy is still behind us, now you know that in every horror/thriller movie that if someone looks back and the killer ain't there then he in front of you. So I look behind and he's not there. So I stop and go to my friend,
"I think we lost him." (I know how cliché) To which my friend is looking at me like a lunatic saying,
"He could need our help." Literally as if on que, this bitch just jump out from behind the tree that is literally a metre behind us. So like I said before I sonic the hedgehog that shit all the way home, we get home and we didn't see the guy since then.

Now note I am not athletic so literally when we got back to his place I didn't even wait to sit down, I flung open that pizza box and basked in the meat lovers glory as I devoured it.

And that is the end of the story! Hope you like it. Don't forget to Vote, Comment and Follow!