One of my personal battles that I struggled with for years,
is that long desiring to be genuinely loved, you know that feeling where you are accepted for who you really are,
being at peace, a place were you no longer desire that false longing of approval
from others to care ,
I have always been the type that always wanted to feel genuine love.
Five years ago , when I hit my lowest, I did not feel like I had a reason to live,
and I also thought even if I died, no one would have notice or cared,
So my solution was to make every effort to reach out to those I know, even if I met you one day or knew you for years, I felt the need to hold on to those relationships,
Because while I was going through my lows, I didn't want want those around me to be in the same position I was in,
I remember how I felt when I had no one, to really open up to, or to be real with,
I walked around with a facade, hid behind fake smiles, fake jokes,
but inside I was hollow,
I fell into that trap, of a girl, that desired attention so much, that I would flirt, just to feel wanted,
I never dealt with the real issue, the root of the issue,
I was just floating around, it began to affect my school attendance, affect my personality, I became so inwardly focused,
I became so closed, but I was still trying to maintain friendships, even though I pretended I didn't care, I was still that insecure girl that thrive off attention.
I remember the first time I felt genuine love, before to me Christianity was religious, something I did, because It was what I knew, like I never understood and knew Christ for who he really was, but over the years he started to reveal who he was as I began to seek him,
A few months ago , I was reading the story about the woman at the well, and jesus was there waiting for her, and I think that is one of the stories that stood out the most to me, pertaining to my own life, I was just like that lady, or even worst, I was a spiritual harlot.
I was not able to feel complete in true love, because I was harloting around fake love. I wanted to be in a place where I did not need or wanted to feel complete in temporary love,
The thing is, Christ love , flows like living water, and though he was waiting for me, like he did for the lady at the well, I did not want to let go of the things in my life that did not allow me to experience the true love that he wants to give me,
Being a spiritual harlot, I was still holding on the worlds definition of love, and contentment, when he said, to gain Him {Christ} was to lose it all, was to lose my understand of what Christianity is, of what love is and embrace his love, and I came to the full understanding through the revelation of the Holy Spirit.
Often we cling to temporary things that have no joy.
True love, True Joy can only be found in Christ,
when we empty ourselves he fills us up, so I no longer need to chase after worldly affections but Godly affection purses me. Christ. The reason I smile, the reason I live. The reason I am complete.
