Chronicles Of The Broken Hearted: A Gaga / Tayga Fanfiction

The First

Stefani sits alone in her Malibu mansion. Tonight, it's just the security and her. The house seems so much bigger now that she's alone. She's spent many nights by herself and things were okay, but "alone" this time, meant that Taylor was no longer with her, and she was single. Or not, she didn't know what to label herself or him.

For a few minutes, she didn't feel anything. One would relate it to how a trauma victim couldn't feel the pain of being stabbed, impaled, burned to the flesh, dismembered. The body would go into shock faster than pain could reach the human conscience. Stefani stared into the empty sky, the horizon highlighted by a thin streak of light reflected off of the water, coming from the moon.

Then it hit her - Taylor broke up with her for real.

This wasn't some cruel nightmare or a prank. At the state their relationship was in, he wouldn't have pranked her. He didn't even say his I love you's anymore. Come to think of it, she stopped saying them first. It was all her fault, she thought, a tear slipping from her eye and ending up splashing on her thigh.

Blinking rapidly to clear her now blurry vision, she looks down at the phone between her clammy hands that gripped on harder than Taylor did to their relationship. And lord did that man hold on for dear life. She unlocked the phone and went to check her messages, but first turning off "last seen". She tapped on her conversation with Taylor, not knowing why. The emptiness was growing, but in the very same pit of her bitter, quivering heart, a lot of pain arose and the depression was resurfacing faster and harder than ever.

She cursed herself for being stupid, still unsure of what she was searching and longing for as she tapped to open the chat. Her contact name for Taylor couldn't make her smile today. Their little inside joke that he was her pirate wasn't as cute as it used to seem. Now she called herself childish, and she wondered why he played along with her silly ways. Maybe he did it because she was too immature to see they weren't compatible. But why would he wait so many years? Maybe she was wrong.

She scrolls down and even further than she thought she should go, reading words empty of meaning. Variations of "how's everything" and "fine" was passed between the two, verbage different every time. Then she reached the line she wished she never saw. The words appeared bold to her, screaming at her and pushing her towards the crippling agony of remembering how it all started. All of this started from a simple "I love you, Stefani".

In that very moment, the last time he ever said it to her was so precious. Three months ago, that I love you meant nothing to her. It was just another one of many. Now, she hoped that all of that love hadn't yet been lost, and that maybe he still left a percent of it for her to know and treasure.

Still without reason, Stefani continued to swipe her finger down, reading every message, taking in every affectionate word he offered her. In the dead of the night, she felt lonely as ever, small, smaller than she already was, and heartless.

Sometimes a message would hit her like a brick.

"The coffee shop is kinda empty. I'm coming back from the city 2 pick u up and we'll go sit inside for dessert :P"

She wondered why she stopped asking him to come. Sometimes she wasn't even busy with work. Taylor's off day was Monday and he always asked if he could come over, until he just gave up. She shouldn't have told him no, but yet she wished he would have just come, take her to te nearest food stop before they went back to her place to make love in one of the many bedrooms, somewhere in the garden, maybe in the pool, or one of the extravagent bathrooms.

She ached with desire at the thought of him, but with the knowledge of their breakup, the feeling would be diminished, only to be ignored again as her imagination betrayed her.

Only then did she realise how much her body needed him. It had been too long. She wondered how he had handled being alone for as long as he still loved her. She must have been torturing him. Maybe he was better of with someone who could please him when he needed it. But the thought of someone being better than her made her cry. She wanted to be the best for Taylor, because he was always his best for her.

Then came a picture of Taylor. That was all the way back in January. He was with their dogs while she was away. He's shirtless, naked perhaps, underneath her two babies perched on his lap with smiles. The dogs loved him almost as much as her. The way they raised them like children brought back haunting memories of the times they cuddled on the sofa with a puppy nibbling at her toes.

Stefani threw her phone at the floor, having had enough of what she was missing. She took off, cold sweat building and streams running down her cheeks. She retreated to her bedroom, grabbing a handkerchief to accompany her to bed. She kept wiping tears away, sniffling softly to herself and every time she did, it reminded her that this was all real.

She collapsed on the bed, but on the wrong side as the pillow she fell onto had the letters "TK" hissing into her ear. She jolted up and rolled over faster than she expected, onto the one that read "LG", and she grabs the bolster between each side of the bed, hugging it tightly. Her hand left hand is the closest to her face, and she glares at the ring that glares right back at her. She tears it off in a rush before even thinking, and the moment she realises what she's done, she breaks down again.

Little hiccups tell her the misery she's experiencing isn't about to end soon. She couldn't stop feeling like complete shit. She let this happen. She did this. She deserved this.

At the end of the day, it was all her doing. Maybe if she paid more attention to Taylor and stopped floating by everyday's obstacles like everything meant nothing, she could wrap her arms around his neck, short of breath, errupting into orgasm with the person she craved. She looked down at the ring now sitting in the centre of her palm, her fourth finger still swelling from when it used to sit there. Hope that Taylor would take back his words crossed her mind for a split second, and then it was gone.

The diamond still glistened so beautifully even facing such an emotional, hideous wreck. The ring was the best gift she would ever receive and she knew it. It would have continued to represent so much love and happiness if not for tonight. Now it was different. Sure it represented love and happiness still, but only love and happiness lost. Once that ring slipped off her finger, the peace in Stefani's heart crumbled, and with that begun her unravelling.

The ring still cosied itself in Stefani's hands, and her arms wrapped around a bolster, one that replaced the only person she really needed, because he was never going to be there for her after what she'd done.