I don't know yet???

three

Charlotte's first friend in a long time was named Valerie.

They had met on the first day of school, as they sat across from each other in class. Valerie was nice. She had dark hair and slightly freckled skin and a soft, southern voice. She told Charlotte that she had five brothers, and there was another one on the way. Charlotte said that she knew what it was like to have lots of siblings.

Unfortunately, Georgia and Chuck had a very strict rule about going to other people's houses: it wasn't happening. Besides that, they were only ever allowed to have friends over on Saturdays, and they couldn't have any sleepovers or parties.

Because of those rules, Saturday was always busy.

Valerie was over that day, but so was Cole's friend and Eleanor's friends and Kassidy's friends and Blake's friend. The house despite its fairly large size, was far too crowded. Charlotte was kicked out of her room because Eleanor and her friends were playing truth or dare in there. She was kicked out of the kitchen because Cole and his friend were making snacks. She was kicked out of the basement because Blake and his friend were watching cartoons.

Half an hour later, she and Valerie were sitting out on the beach running their fingers through the sand. It was quiet outside, and there were hints of storm clouds far over the horizon. Valerie looked bored, and Charlotte felt kind of bad.

"Is there anything you want to do?" Charlotte uttered, looking down at the waves as they surged and receded with little swishing noises.

Valerie sighed. "I don't know. Not really. It's kind of pretty here."

Charlotte nodded. "Yes, it is. Usually, at least. Usually it's like clear skies and sapphires. Today it's like...like cigarette smoke." Charlotte hated the all-too-familiar smell of cigarette smoke. It was an ugly smell and an ugly color.

Valerie chuckled a little, her lightly freckled nose wrinkling. "I hate the smell of smoke. I hate those health units on smoking too."

"They're so boring!" Charlotte agreed. "It's awful to have them every single year."

"I heard you don't have them anymore once you're in seventh grade. I can't wait to be in seventh grade."

"Mm-hmm," Charlotte hummed. She didn't know where she'd be in seventh grade. Part of her wanted to be far away, adopted with all her siblings. Another part of her just wanted to stay, to have at least some sense of stability.

"Gosh, it's so far away," Valerie uttered. "I just wish I was a little older, just a little! Fifth grade sucks. You're so close, you know? But you're not quite there yet."

And Charlotte knew that feeling like an old friend. She wanted, and then she was so close, but it was always not quite. She hated "not quite". She was not quite worth attention, not quite worth a family, not quite a valuable person. And Charlotte never understood why.

But Valerie had everything she wanted but autonomy, and that was something rare for a ten-year-old to have. Charlotte wondered why she was so upset. At least she had people who cared for her. Independence seemed trivial to Charlotte in the face of love.

Yet, Valerie looked into the distance like she longed for it, despite the storm clouds and the mess of violent waves and the too-deep waters that were easy to drown in. "Not quite there," Valerie uttered, a heavy sigh coming from her little heart-shaped lips.

"You want to make your own decisions," Charlotte concluded, "why?"

Valerie laughed, a timid, empty little sound that didn't even echo a bit. "Aren't you tired of being told what to do? It's my life. It's mine. I don't get why my parents act like it's their decision."