Before You Love Me

BEFORE YOU READ: I mention this in the author's note, but the main character's name is pronounced JA-SEP-A-NI. Also if you have an issues with reading about gun violence or school shootings, this is your official warning. This obviously is not meant to make light of either. This is meant to bring the life of a fictional school shooting victim to life. Enjoy and God Bless!

Screams, begging, and gunshots were all that I could hear as I buried my face into my best friend, Lainey's shoulder. This wasn't supposed to happen, not to us. This was the sort of thing that happened to other people. I felt Lainey's body shake against mine. Her body overcome with fear, like mine. Lainey and I had been best friends since preschool when she stood up to a girl who was picking on me. When her parents decided that she needed to be in a small private school instead of a public one, I convinced my parents to let me join her. We are inseparable and thought nothing, and I mean nothing could tear us apart. I guess we did not think Darren Fitzgerald would decide that he needed to shoot every student at the Carlton School. I watched as Darren walked down the line of students he had made in order to make shooting us easier. One after one, Darren shot us. I watched as he shot Addison Anderson, the school president and overall overachiever. Her body fell limp as more students cried out. I said a silent prayer for this to be over. I hoped he would be stopped before he made it to Lainey and I. As long as Lainey and I survived. Darren shot Addison's boyfriend, Danny Sawyer, next. Danny was also an overachiever. He was the president of the math club and was accepted to Yale for next year.

"Giuseppani?" Lainey's soft voice pulled me from my thoughts.

"Yeah Lain?" I tried to not cause any more attention on us.

"I'm scared" Her bottom lip trembled as I knew she was trying not to cry.

"Me too" I replied as I watched Darren carefully. I watched as he got closer and closer to Lainey, my heart racing. Eventually, he landed on Lainey. I tried to keep from yelling. I held her as he said the same word he had said to everybody. Lainey begged and pleaded with Darren, but her attempts were futile.

"Farewell"

I heard the shot and felt her body go limp, but I couldn't register what had just happened. I couldn't register that I had just lost my best friend.

I looked Darren in the eyes as he held the gun up for me to be shot next. I didn't bother begging for my life. I kept my head down and prayed.

"Farwell" I felt my body go numb, but I didn't feel pain. I heard the gunshot, but didn't feel the bullet. I looked up to see that he had skipped me. He shot Evelyn Baker, who sat beside me and continued on. I sat in confusion as I tried to understand what had happened. Why did he skip me?

The last person in line and the last person to be shot was Zachary Daniels. I laid down next to the other dead bodies and tried to blend in. Finally, I heard another man yelling for Darren to put down his weapon. Darren turned towards the officer and put his gun down. He raised his hands in surrender. After the officer arrested Darren and led him out I watched as they surveyed the bodies. Medical people came in and started checking for pulses. I tried to get up, to let them know I was alive, but I laid frozen. Finally, a man came up to Lainey and checked her pulse, he gave a nod to signify she was gone. He reached down to feel mine, but stopped to look at me. His eyes widened as I heard him yell that I was alive. They put me on a gurney and I was wheeled out. I heard parents yelling, trying to figure out who the lone survivor was and if it was their child. I refused to look at them. I flinched every time a parent realized I wasn't their child and they cried out. I heard my mom and dad yelling my name and crying when they realized it was me. As I was put in the ambulance and felt my mom grasp my hands I could see Darren being put into the cop car. He met my eyes and he mouthed something. Something that caused my heart to skip a beat. He mouthed farewell.

Present Day

Three months, it had been three months since the shooting at the Carlton School. I had become numb to questions, numb to the pain, and numb to everyone around me. I spent the three months in and out of therapy and in and out of the police station. Once everyone had learned I was the only survivor, they wanted the police to investigate me. I couldn't blame them. I would think it was suspicious that a shooter would shoot all but one student. It took a lot to prove I had nothing to do with Darren Fitzgerald. They invaded my life, my phone, my emails, they even made me take a lie detector test. Now that I was officially cleared to go back to school I had to make a choice. Either go to Lincoln High or Jamestown High, the only two public schools in the city. The Carlton School closed down after the shooting since there weren't any more students. It wasn't like anyone wanted to go there any more anyway. The shooting made front page all around the world. The news managed to figure out I was the only survivor which means I've received numerous request to be on shows and do interviews. I've declined all of them. I just want to be left alone. I snap out of my thoughts when I hear my mom talking.

"Giuseppani, are you alright?" I want to break down, but instead I just nod my head.

"I'm fine" I stare out the window of the car as she drives me to Lincoln High. I chose the school with the least students. The less people to stare at me the better. I watch as we pull into the parking lot.

"You don't have to go today. You can try again tomorrow" My mom smiles a pity smile at me. I don't want her pity; I don't want anyone's pity. I force a smile back.

"I'll never be ready, might as well get it over with" I grab my backpack and get out of the car. I pull my hoodie up to try and conceal my face for as long as I can. It's going to be a long day.

Authors Note: Hi, my name is Haley and I actually re-wrote the first chapter for a good reason. The reason being I didn't like how I wrote it the first time. I wrote the first chapter in 2014 and decided to make it better. I kind of abandon this story and I want to pick it up and try again! For those confused on how to pronounce the main character's name it is as follows. JA-SEP-ANNI. It's a name I have loved for a long time. Hope you enjoyed and God bless!