It's Complicated

Chapter 15

Previous chapter: But then, Regina says exactly what Emma hadn't been expecting. "No, Emma, I suppose it is time to discuss what happened that night."

Emma's breath catches in her chest then, messily sewn up heart wounds ripping freshly open in the anticipation of the conversation that is finally, finally happening. Though, even after all the times in the past year and a half when Emma longed to march up to Regina and give her a piece of her mind, and during earlier darker days even to send a slap across that perfect, olive, airbrushed cheek--she finds herself almost not wanting to address That Night. The uncertainty is too suffocating, the what-if's too high.

But she thinks of Henry--his understandable wish for a repaired family, and deeper into her emotions, the benefit it could have on her--and resolves to let the conversation drift where it needs to. Anything to fix this mess. Anything for the woman she.....

No. Not now. She shakes her head at the thought she hasn't even allowed to finish forming in her mind. Though she stopped it in its tracks, it's still there; and has been there for far longer than she cares to admit. And after all this, she finally realizes that Regina hasn't said anything. Emma realizes that maybe she should have responded somehow, but she wants to leave the ball in the other woman's court, for once. Regina had previously made it quite clear that she wished for them to act like they'd never slept together, to "not discuss it." Therefore, now that she's changed her mind, she'll be the one to begin navigating through this mess. With her mind made up, Emma stubbornly crosses her arms, trying and failing to cast her eyes somewhere other than Regina to look unconcerned.

Snowflakes fall steadily outside from the darkened sky, frosting the trees and settling into icy patterns onto the windows. Apart from the turmoil inside the mansion, everything appears perfect for the holiday-- a drink in front of a fire, a glorious Christmas tree to the right, and a thousand snowflakes for every heartbeat. This is what Regina is thinking as she takes the last sip of her glass, and how she wishes, how she longs that that could have been the case. That it could have been them, a perfect family, though perhaps in a different life. It's a notion so present in her mind, but seems so untouchable, so idiotic, because how could she ever deserve something so ideal, so pure? But maybe that's what helps in the end--the spark of the hope of happiness of the little girl with a much happier look on the world that never really, entirely left Regina--the regret and the longing and the could have beens are what finally causes her to speak.

"There's so much to say," she finally lets out, in a croaky voice that she hadn't been intending and is very close to embarrassing her. She's not sure whether it was caused by emotion or the neglect of her voice; though it's almost certainly not the latter--even if the minutes of silence seemed like hours, Regina is perfectly aware that they weren't. The sudden words appear to startle the blonde though, who seemed to have completely lost herself in her thoughts; and flinches back to reality.

Emma saves her from further humiliation by caving and speaking, but when she does it's a bit accusatory. "If it was such a terrible thing to sleep with me, you should have stopped me after we kissed. It's such a shit thing to leave someone the same morning after, Regina."

Regina stares at her; the red glow of the fire highlighting her face in all the right areas--and stays silent, though Emma can practically hear the different thoughts and emotions going through the brunette's head. When it's been quiet for just long enough for it to become uncomfortable, Regina finally says almost soft enough for Emma not to hear, "I know." A clear look of self-loathing crosses her face for a quarter of a second just then, but Emma catches it, disturbed by it.