Nothing but emptiness inside
Love leaves a black hole where it dies
How can I love again?
When I’ve come undone, undone, undone.
“How dare you” she whispered, her voice trembling as she narrowed her eyes at him, the corners of them prickling with both tears of anger and betrayal. He tried to step closer to her but she retreated backwards disgusted by his presence.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, “I can’t help it, okay?”
She laughed bitterly “You can’t help doing drugs? Are you being forced to take them Nick? Because I’m pretty fucking sure that you are doing it of your own accord.” Her voice rose with each syllable until she was shouting at him, her sweet innocent voice echoing through the silent street.
He didn’t reply, merely pursuing his lips as she scoffed; annoyed at the fact that he didn’t have the decency to reply to her. She muttered numerous incoherent curse words under her breathe before she turned her back to him and began to walk into the opposite direction of him. Before she had even walked ten complete steps she turned around so quickly that her hair whipped to the side harshly hitting her face.
“It’s funny, you know,” she laughed, despite there being nothing humorous about the current situation. “Every day you say you love me, you need me and even though you see me in and out of hospital you still take them, and every day you’re killing yourself slowly.” She stated her voice cracking as she wiped away a stray translucent tear.
“I hate that, the sympathy and pity in your eyes,” she continued, her lips tilted upwards into a bitter smile “You look at me like that but you take advantage of your life? I hate you because of that Nick, any day I’ll be gone but you- you’ll be in debt, sniffing up drugs until you die because it makes you feel free,” she chuckled “makes you free, what the hell is that meant to mean huh? Aren’t you free when you live? You can do anything you want, but you refuse to, you refuse to acknowledge the possibilities.”
“Kat....” he murmured closing the distance between them as he embraced her into a hug, his warm strong arms wrapping around her narrow waist; her fragile arms wrapped around his neck as she sobbed into his shoulder releasing all the stray emotions inside of her. She had known him for fifteen years and as hard as it was to love him; it was even harder to hate him.
“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism.” She murmured against the crook between his neck and shoulder which her head was rested in, she had recited a quote she had told him the day they met. Her breath fanned against his nape causing him to shiver against her.
He sighed inaudibly, “Don’t do that Kat”
He almost regretted it as soon as he had murmured the words; she had jumped back defensively and moved away from him, “I’m dying Nick.” She stated a fire burning in the depths of her vibrant eyes, “You’re going to watch me die, yet you’re killing yourself”
“How the fuck is it my fault that you are dying?” he yelled, his hands balling into fists as he glared at her, his big eyes were narrowed into slits as he clenched his jaw in anger. His expression softened as he noticed her frown slightly at his comment.
“Thank you for that, Nick” she whispered “Every day you’ll be sniffing that shit up your nose whilst some of us will be fighting for our lives, fighting to stay alive. You don’t even understand how precious our lives are do you? We take advantage of them, like they’re nothing but you know what? to somebody out there they mean something.”
“I love you, Kat” he whispered broken, he sounded defeated and alone as he spoke, the wind carried his voice with it; taking it away from him, from her- from them. She didn’t reply because she couldn’t, she felt the air leaving her as she stood there; terrified and trapped. He had put her in a decision she had never wanted to encounter; she could either watch him kill himself or continue with what was left with her life.
“I love you too, Nick,” she murmured, “But you don’t love me enough, you’re making me choose between watching you die or making the most of the remaining of my life. I can’t do it anymore Nick, I just cannot.”
His eyes widened as she spoke, his lips parted but he didn’t speak. He stood there frozen as if he could not acknowledge what was happening. She merely shook her head, both disappointed and hurt. She turned swiftly to walk away but he yanked her arm backwards causing her to tumble slightly; he caught her before she fell. She wrenched herself away from his grasp and faced him, the anger and betrayal washing over her in thick waves.
“I’ll stop the drugs. I’ll stop them for you.” He stated seriously.
“No, you won’t and until you have, don’t ever talk to me again.” She said harshly walking away, her foot collided with a few puddles of water as she walked, the water soaking into the soles of her feet. She felt her heart breaking as she heard his soft cries of anguish; but he didn’t come after her and maybe that was what made her decision for her. Some people didn’t value certain people or things in life which led to what people called a horrible world. Humans were what destroyed the world and Nick- he was the one who destroyed her heart. That was her last thoughts as she walked away from him, tears staining her pale cheeks.
dedicated to this beautiful person for being a wonderful and supportive friend and also for making the lovely cover for this story!
