Two. [not edited]
She sighed wistfully as she glanced at the crumpled piece of paper in her hand; its creases formed an unusual pattern across the page that almost interlocked with the letters written down neatly. Tears began to form in the very pit of her eyes as she skimmed through the short bitter-sweet letter bidding her farewell.
Her fingers began to tremble—each one bending slightly to what she could only compare to a pair of knees ready to collapse on the floor from the initial shock and confusion of the sudden news. Her rosy lips were in a thin straight line as she held in the sobs that were crawling, begging and screaming to be let out.
“I don’t care,” she whispered to herself quietly, then louder and louder with each intake of breath as if it was to convince herself. She managed a step forward until she heard the blood rushing to her head. The clock above her was moving deafeningly loudly and excruciatingly slow but that wasn’t what made her stumble. It was the sound of a glass smashing onto the floor; the glass of water she had been holding.
She stared at the content that had spread across the kitchen floor—creating a mess that would require a lot of cleaning if she did not begin now; but she didn’t want to. For the first time in her life, she did not want to do something that was right or required but something she wanted to of her own accord. She diverted her attention back to the paper and let go. Her fingers uncurled from its thin rough material as it floated to the ground falling into the puddle of water absorbing it instantly—smearing the inked letters on the page.
Her lips tilted into a diminutive distressing smile as she shut her eyes. Her eyelashes fluttered closed as it came into contact with her flawless olive skin. She had always been one of ‘those’ people. No one noticed her and the only way she would describe herself was as invisible. People would use her for the very few things she was good at, and possibly, it was exactly that which made her vulnerable to the world and its dangers.
It was her personality that made all of this possible; it was the fact that she could never refuse. It was as if her lips could not mutter the mere word but instead she would pursue her lips and plaster a strained smile onto her unblemished features. Her innocence was the one prominent aspect in her life that managed to leave her broken when she needed somebody most.
She gazed at the floor for a few more moments before swiftly turning around, seizing her keys at the same time. She hurriedly walked to the door hoping to clear her mind outside. Her cerulean sleeveless dress fluttered in the wind and although it was chilly, she did not make an effort to retrieve a coat- she left her arms bare allowing the wind coat it. Thick waves of it covered her, drenching her in its cold warmth but she carried on walking; ignoring it.
Leah knew where she wanted to go; it was the only place that brought her solace in times of need. She enjoyed sitting beside her mother’s grave informing her of the predicaments in her life. Despite her mother no longer being there to help her or give her advice, her presence was enough because that meant that she was still there listening. She had died five years ago after a torturous battle against cancer, and although she had lost, her mother had always been a strong fighter. She hoped to be like her one day, to be strong and know what she wanted of life.
As she walked, her foot would occasionally hit the pavement causing her to wince quietly but that all washed away like a tidal wave at sea when she saw him. He was standing beside another girl and looked content; as if he hadn’t just mailed her a letter regarding their abrupt breakup. Her heart began to hammer against her chest harshly- causing a slight pain to spread around her chest and a tremor to course through her making it almost impossible to breathe.
He was leaned against a brick wall with his right leg bent and placed against the wall. A girl stood beside him laughing at something he had said; Leah had always found him to be somewhat humorous. His mass of blond curls were slightly longer than usual- allowing a few stray tendrils to fall in his eyes. His jade orbs were one of the many things she had loved about him, they were a deep green almost the colour of a forest on a bright day and had always left her mesmerised. He rolled his broad shoulders as they talked, a gesture that indicated he was in fact nervous.
He hadn’t always been this kind of guy, in fact he had often told her how much he detested men like that which was why she was deeply wounded at the fact that he did not have the decency or courage to confront her like the man he was and personally break up with her. Leah knew that seeing him would give her the closure she needed but that thought washed away as he gingerly placed his left palm on the girl’s arm pulling her closer; a gesture he had often done to Leah. The memory allowed her to recall a quote she had heard a while back ‘When you’re around someone for so long, they become a part of you. And when they change or go away, you don’t know who you are without them’
Quotes were something very dear to her because each and every single one could relate to one person in the entire world which she found astonishing. Although, she felt the tears prick at the corners of her eyes she pushed them back, straightening her posture and carried on walking.
The sky was a bright blue blanket with the sun embedded within it, occasionally seeping out a ray of light gracing the gloomy town of Blue-bell. Leah exhaled loudly as she stood outside of the cemetery’s entrance. Thick metal gates greeted her vision and both of them were wide open—revealing the lines of thick stones of all sizes containing the bodies of many lost family and friends. A wave of sadness washed over her as she walked towards the very end of the cemetery where her mother’s grave lay.
Her mother had been buried a few centimetres away from the other graves, just beside a large oak tree. On the oak tree Leah had nailed a few quotes both her and her mother had enjoyed. Over the years the paper had been creased and the ink slightly smudged after a downfall of rain. But that didn’t matter because the quotes were what tied them together.
Leah would often find herself- at this somewhat secluded area- wondering how her life had come to this point; the point of complete and utter loneliness. But she could only blame herself. Her reluctance to trust people left her alone and awkward. She sat on her knees once she reached the grave, letting a ghost of a smile etch on her face as she skimmed her pale fingers across the dark grave stone. ‘In loving memory of Kate Whilsburth,friend, mother and wife’
“Hi mum,” she whispered, afraid her voice would break. “Things haven’t been too great but I’m okay, I did promise you I would try and I don’t intend on breaking it” But it’s so hard sometimes.
“It- it’s just so hard to not give up sometimes,” she murmured placing her palm on the centre of the gravestone. “But then I think about you and I feel strong. It’s a ridiculous thought but I do mum, you always made feel stronger than I was” She felt the tremor travel down her spine as the sob tore out of her throat.
Leah closed her eyes, squeezing the tears out; they rolled down her cheeks in small waves, like waves fighting against the current at sea. Each drop rolled down her cheek landing effortlessly on a blade of grass. She glanced up at the azure sky before diverting her attention to the grave before her again knowing she was now with her mother, in both essence and spirit.
She removed her hands and retreated backwards slightly. Her bare thigh touched the cold grass but she didn’t acknowledge it; instead she lay her head on her mother’s head stone. Tears began to waver her vision as she clutched on a photograph of a young woman. The woman had a mass of blond curls that were kept tightly in a bun with only a few strands framing her heart shaped face. Her bright blue eyes were glimmering underneath the camera’s eyes as her full red lips were tilted into a beautiful grin.
“Sometimes,” she whispered, her voice was barely audible through her soft sobs, “sometimes, I wish it had been me who died. You were the best mother a girl could ask for but I took you for granted and I’m sorry for that mum because you deserved so much better.” She said as she sat up wiping the stray tears that had escaped. Sitting on her knees again she placed the photograph on the grave recalling the memory of where it had been taken.
Standing up she glanced at the grave, she smiled as she felt a feeling surge through her. She felt content and at peace as she left the cemetery knowing she’d strive to be just like her mother. To be somebody inspirational and a role model to someone out there and maybe, just maybe, she would find that one person too. That one person who would believe in her, love her, and look up to her, just like she did to her own mother.
And then, maybe she too would be somebody’s angel.
