Ink Stains

Chapter 9

As I dragged Asher to the kitchen, I ignored Asher’s several acknowledgments from the more popular crowd of people. They all seemed to know him as a friend rather than that academic superior that he tried to be. “What did Derrick have to say?”

“He told me to be good to you otherwise he’ll kick my ass,” Asher said casually. “I think Derrick is in love with you.”

“I barely speak with him,” I said while retrieving a can of ginger ale for myself. “That’s rather preposterous.”

“I would say something insightful, but I’m drawing a blank on this. It’s just bizarre,” Asher took a sip of his soda. “Let’s just forget about it.

Popping open the top of my can, I groaned. “It doesn’t make sense. I’m not the type to attract people like him, or people in general.”

“Honestly, you know how I feel about you,” Asher said quietly. “You don’t need to drown in a pool of self-pity.”

“What are you suggesting?” I asked sharply, fury boiling in my stomach.

Asher’s face turned a deep shade of red as he tried to repress his anger. He collapsed on a wooden bench as we reached the dark backyard, illuminated by the stunning beauty of the night sky. “I’m sick of this attitude!” he grunted. “You act as if nobody cares about you, as if I don’t care about you!”

“For the majority of my life, nobody has cared for me!” I repeated, situating myself on the opposite side from Asher. “This is not drowning in a man-made lake of my own self pity; this is me realizing the damned truth. It’s about time you did too.”

Asher’s anger seeped out of him as quickly as it had filled his blood and ran through his veins. The crease between his eyebrows faded to passiveness. “You always say that you hate clichés more than anything, but I’m not going to sacrifice the truth for that sake,” he began with his voice barely raised. All of a sudden, he had turned eerie. “I know what they say about Derrick now- he’s practically since his transformation.  He’s a nice guy now, you know?

Clara, you are something that this school hasn’t seen. You are blatantly different, despite your tendencies to remain silent and be selective with whom you deem worthy to hold a conversation with you. I think Derrick is taking an interest in you because he knows that underneath the sarcasm and indifference from your previous relationship. It’s not easy to forget you once you finally open up”

I let my stiff curls fall over my eyes, allowing Asher’s carefully crafted words sink into my skin. The moon seemed to shine brighter, bringing light to my wrists. “What’s ironic about that is that I am opened up,” I said, placing my manicured hands gently on Asher’s jean-clad thigh. “Though I don’t speak every thought on my mind, I write down every last letter. Everything that stays with me is right here,” I gestured to my tattooed arms, “but barely anybody takes the time to read. They question my motives to pushing myself to write and write until my hands are sore, the way I scribble down single words to any bare patch of skin, for remaining silent in a world full of chatter.

That’s something Derrick never understood. Between the meaningless text messages and the tedious exchanges, I learned that Derrick’s only sense of purpose is through these petty relationships and I pitied him and continued on with them. It all blew up in my face, causing me to vocally express my dislike for our relationship and end whatever we had before it began. I didn’t talk to him for months.

So now he comes back, charming and selfless. Derrick has already grown to be the person that I never will be, the person that I’ve always wanted to be. I know in my heart that he’s a much better person than me. That’s why I have to let him go again before I disappoint him. He only deserves to be happy.”