Oh oh. Chapter 2. I don't know if anyones reading these stories, but I'm having fun writing them, and they're helping me calm myself down. Yay. Soo. Thanks if you're reading them.<3
~ I got lazy and didn't edit, so I'll probably read it when it's published, and see if I can find any typos.
Tell me what you think.<3
***
Could I have found the one boy I wanted to be with forever? I know, this is moving so fast. I just met him a week ago, but I'm sitting here, feeling like I've known him for years. I feel safe with him. Like maybe, just maybe, I'll be okay. I don't know.
"Slut. Whore. Useless freak. You're moving too fast. He doesn't love you. You're insane. You're going crazy, Caprice. Jayce doesn't love you. He never will. If he did, wouldn't he have told you he does? Wouldn't he have said he thought highly of you? But look, he hasn't. Kill someone close to you. Prove to him how lethal you are. How lethal you can be to anyone who bothers you."
~ BUZZ BUZZ ~
I felt the violent cough start building up in my chest as I threw myself straight out of bed. I glanced at the mirror, only to see a tear - stained face staring back at me. I was a wreck. It wasn't Jayce's fault, either. It was my own fault. The voice's fault. The psychotic thoughts, even. Making me regret the day I met him. But I don't. I could never regret that day. I reached for my phone, and read the text.
"Wake up, Caprice. It's a new day."
I felt the same smile I had felt the week before play over my face. Waking up to texts from him made me want to be with him forever.
"I'm up, I'm up. What are you doing today?"
I hoped he would say somthing about hanging out with me. Maybe I was obsessed with him.. But I didn't care, because it's better for me to be obsessed with someone who's going to make me better, than with someone who might make me feel worse. I've been in too many abusive relationships. I guess thats recklessness.
"Whatever you're doing."
Was it possible that Jayce liked me? Loved me, even? I don't know. It's too early to tell if he really loves me. I felt my life slowly turning completely around. I felt better about myself, and as long as I was texting him, or just talking to him, the voice was gone. If not gone, at least more distant.
"Well, today I'm doing absolutely nothing. So you're in for a pretty boring day. ;)"
I felt so happy talking to him. I don't even know why. I couldn't even comprehend how one person could make me so happy. But what happens if I get hurt? I felt my smile fade. What do I do if he hurts me? I shouldn't even be thinking about it, but what happens if he ends up hurting me, or I end up hurting him?
"Haha, we can change that."
"Caprice, he's going to hurt you. You know he's going to. Kill yourself. End this."
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I screamed as loud as I could. "GET OUT! I'M TIRED OF LISTENING TO IT. I WANT IT OUT!" I clawed at my head, almost hoping I would rip the voice right out of my head. I heard my mom come running up the stairs.
"CAPRICE?!" She yelled through the door. I remember locking the door, because I didn't want her walking in on me getting changed. I screamed as loud as I could, trying to block out the voices.
"GET IT OUT! MAKE IT STOP! I DON'T CARE HOW, JUST MAKE IT STOP!" I heard the door fly open, and felt my mom hug me, trying to calm me down. I gasped for air, trying to gain enough energy to let another scream out of me, but before I could, my mom grabbed my mouth.
"Shh, baby. It's okay.. I know you want it out. I wish I could take it away. Shh, Caprice.. You'll be okay, baby. Oh, my baby." She whispered as she rocked me in her lap. I felt my muscles tense, then relax. I managed to keep my final scream inside, and turn it into a whisper.
"Mom, I want it out. I can't do this anymore." I choked out.
"I know, Caprice.. I know." She whispered. I felt myself shaking. What had I broken? Did I throw anything? I didn't remember anything I did. I just.. Snapped.
"I'm sorry, mom. I'm a failure, and I shouldn't even be alive anymore. I'm sorry." I whispered.
"Oh, baby. You know that isn't true at all. You need to be alive. I've already lost your dad, I can't lose you, too." She whispered. I stood up, untangling myself from her arms. I felt angry all of a sudden. Not upset, or happy, but angry. Angry at myself. Angry at my mom. I grabbed my phone.
"Hah, yeah I guess we can. Jayce, I don't know if I'm going to be able to hang out early today. I snapped, and I think my mom's kind of worried. I don't know yet, though. I'll let you know."
Before I knew it, I hurled my phone into the wall. "I hate myself, mom. I hate who I am. I hate what you made of me." I told her, trying to keep myself calm. There it was. The way I felt about her since my dad died. It was her fault I was like this. If she gave me space, maybe I would be normal. The look on her face almost tore me apart. I couldn't stay there anymore. I couldn't stare at the look on her face, and not feel a tinge of regret.
"Oh, really? I would be worried too, Caprice."
"Get out, mom. I'm leaving." I told her, opening my door.
"Where are you planning on going, Caprice?!"
"Anywhere but here." I shot her a threatening glare, and she must have gotten the idea, because before she could say anything I would have snapped at, she left the room.
"I know. Okay, I can come hang out. I'm bringing my stuff, though. Enough stuff for a few days. I'm not coming home for awhile."
I felt like a teenage runaway. I guess in a way I was, but I didn't care. I packed my favourite clothes, grabbed a pair of shoes, my makeup, phone charger, iPod charger, iPod. Anything that was of value to me.
"You can stay with me if you want to.."
Warmth. That's what I felt inside. I felt happy to know that Jayce was there for me, but angry because I wasn't in a great mood, and I was scared I would do somthing. I knew I wouldn't, but what if I did?
"Thanks, Jayce. It means alot that you're there for me. I'll be over in a few."
***
Badumtssss.
This is a really short chapter.. Oh well! I felt like having a huge showdown with Caprice and her schizophrenia. Poor girl. Chapter 3 will be out soooooon.
~ Tell me what you think, guys.<3
