Wonderland

questions

(unedited)

I could tell my face had turned pale and i couldnt stop fidgeting with my fingers under the table. the memries towhen i was fourteen came flashing back to me when i was so selfconcious of my body when even eating was a nightmare for me and when i did i would end up kneeling next to the toilet it was not a preety sight my hair in a mess puke dripping from my chin tears dripping down my chin. No one had noticed for about a month i lost weight alot of it i was barely just skin and bones i felt weak and weak by the days but in my head i was getting preetier i was trying to fit in with the societies standards.My dad was the first to notice my decrease in weight after one of their long business trips i had lost weight but by then it wasnt to an extreme level but he did offer to be taking me out for dinner when he was around which wasnt often but that didnt last because they left for another business trip about three days later. Next to find out was my mother who took it very seriously and called over a doctor to our house thats when i was firts diagnosed with the eating disorder bulemia. The docor recomemded me to go to a hospital where they would help and monitor me . But the person who was affected the most was my brother he always blamed himself for not noticing, for not being there he always felt as if their was something he could have done to help. That is why now he is always their for  me no matter what .

           "you do not have to answer if yoy dont have to" he said looking into my eyes with worry.That is when i noticed the flashback had brrought some tears in my eyes. "Can we go somwhere more private ?" he asked for the cheque and we went out to the beach.luckily it was a private beach so their were no paps. we sat down on the sand my legs crossed and his dtraight i took in a deep breath ready to start telling him the truth."when i was fourteen i was diagnosed with bulemia,my parents could not be there for me so they sent me to a hospital it was like my second home and would go to school then go back there " i looked over at jaden who had now sat up straight intently listening to me "To make matters worse i had terrible anxiety attacks actually i sometimes have terrible anxiety attacks but my brother is the only person who  knows about them other than you know, so when they asked me if i was having a relapse they meant if i was becoming bulemic again." i said this time i turned my whole body towards him to look at him. he engulfed me in a hug which lasted like five minutes. "Im so sorry i never knew " he said with a hint of sadness in his voice " its ok its not your fault i said" pulling away from his hug.  we cotinued to seat at the beach watching the waves and the stars and talking about the most randim things that would make me laugh so hard. He did drop me off at my house and as we were standing at the door he pulled me close and just as we were about to have our first kiss my brother opened the door.

i know i havent written in a while and im so sorry but il try updating more often   and i updated twice today yaaaay hope you like it .