How Did We Get Here? ✔️

22. Present

22. Present

Once we had sobered up from all the crying, we both picked up the photograph of Noah, capturing him at his three-year-old birthday, the last one he ever got to celebrate. We had made three different cakes, decorated the apartment and invited his friends from kindergarten along with the family and Kiera. Callen's brother Blake had had a daughter right after I had given birth to Noah and the two kids got along like siblings. Callen and I had been discussing making another baby but we hadn't decided yet.

Noah was spoiled with gifts and had the time of his life. Later, when everyone had gone back home and we had eaten way more cake than a human should, he jumped on my and Callen's bed in between the both of us, declaring we were the "bestest parents ever" before falling asleep. We didn't have the heart to carry his little body over to his room so we made sure he was well tucked in before falling asleep surrounding him.

Little did we know this would be our last carefree day in a long, long time.

"Every day I wake up, it has to make its way to my brain that he's gone and I have to remember," Callen said, his voice hoarse. "Every time, it's like someone is punching me in the gut as I open my eyes. I have to take five minutes to try and steady my breathing, I have to make sure I'm not going to have a mental breakdown and then I can get out of bed. That's been my morning routine for eleven months."

"It's the same for me except that my "making sure I don't have a mental breakdown" part includes crying in the shower for twenty minutes."

He nodded. "That's for the weekends when I don't have to get to work."

A small smile tugged at my lips and he sighed.

"I don't know how to live normally anymore. When I see a kid outside in the streets, I just wonder why mine had to die."

"Well you're a saint because I actually curse at their parents for being blessed and lucky enough to still have their child with them." I confessed.

"I thought I saw Noah this one time. A kid his age looked just like him and he was playing with a little girl, wearing a Batman tee-shirt just like the one Noah used to like. I freaked out. I ran and ran and cried my heart out when he ran towards his mom and she called him Eugene."

I snorted. "Eugene. What a horrible name."

He laughed and the sound sounded almost foreign to my ears. That was how long I hadn't heard his laugh for. And god had I missed it.

"I wish there was something we could have done. I wish we could have saved him." Callen whispered when he had sobered up.

"I would give anything."