Shorts.

The promise.

Don't be afraid.

The words echoed endlessly in my mind, forcing me to calm down but to no avail.

The individual letters swirled around my mind causing me to go borderline insane. They were tiny shots of light, the most minuscule stars in the sky, yet they couldn't blaze like they used to and they couldn't light up my mind.

Nothing could.

Not anymore.

Don't be afraid.

I had become so reliant on those three words that I never managed to stop to think of the abyss I was creating in my mind.

The acid burning through my skin, my body, and my mind, every time I cried.

The words I loved the most, were causing me the pain and torture I thought they were helping me through.

But why?

What had I done to deserve this?

Everything.

The voices in my mind had returned but this time the simple phrases I had been taught to keep them away wouldn't work.

Don't be afraid. There's nothing to be afraid of. You shouldn't be afraid. You're too worthless to worry. Don't worry. Don't be afraid.

The happy memories of my family slowly started to blur into a mess of hate and sorrow, the now dark images engulfing me.

The emptiness began to fill my body as I rocked back and forth, racking with sobs.

"Why"

That one singular word. The only thing I could possibly even try to say, through my uneven breaths and shaky thoughts.

My world was twisting and turning as if I were living in a colour drained kaleidoscope of pain and unhappiness.

But I knew why.

I knew.

I couldn't accept it.

But if I did, it would've been over sooner.

But no.

I had to be a coward.

You're too worthless.

The painstaking words kept lingering in my mind and slowly becoming more and more convincing, taking the form of my brother's voice.

My brother was amazing. He accepted me, no matter what I was. Who I was.

He saved me.

Or at least he tried.

But he left. Of course he left.

And it was my fault.

It's all your fault.

More words frequently circled around my mind, destroying another cell of hope leaving a small amount left until I'd snap.

What's the point? You're worthless.

My face burnt from the hot tears spilling down my face involuntarily.

The thoughts killed me more than I thought possible and I reentered the darkness which was anticipating my arrival.

A small silhouette of a dancing soul tragically moved around as if it were telling a story of its life, turning and twisting to the beat of the drums which I recognised as the steady beat of my heart.

As soon as the dancer stopped, the silhouette dissipated into thin air, leaving no traces of its existence.

More and more dancers began to fill the imaginary stage as they all danced in time together, as if they were robots, the once beautiful imagery tainted horribly, making me cry out.

My scream couldn't be heard by anyone, not even me, yet the dancers all evaporated together with the light disappearing completely.

The darkness which had consumed me began to fade away, causing me to open my eyes.

My droopy, heavy eyes opened slowly, almost painfully slowly, begging me to fall back into unconsciousness.

Stupid

Ugly

Talentless

Worthless.

The words acted as individual knives all stabbing me repeatedly leaving me with open wounds.

I was done.

My feet lead me towards the cupboard, making me feel completely dead.

I wasn't in control of my body, I just let the ventriloquist move the strings in order to finish off my being.

Time passed with no recollection of what I did and why there was now an empty bottle of pills clutched tightly in my hand.

I stood up trying to stay awake but the shock couldn't set in, and I began to feel even more tired.

I was completely broken, the story about to end on the life which would be instantly forgotten.

My sobs had started again and I eventually gave into the venom, wishing everything could just stop.

My tears felt like acid quickly pricking my eyes and burning my face as they fell, unwanted, down to the ground.
I closed my eyes, wishing they would stop but they hurt even more as if they were punishing me for being alive.
I leant my back against the wall and slowly slid down it sitting in a puddle of my tears.

Maybe I'd finally be able to meet my brother again.

Maybe no one would leave me this time.

I thought silently to myself wishing for a new start and a better perspective.

Don't be afraid.

A voice whispered to me as my eyes fluttered shut.

I won't.

I promise.