What if?

Chapter one

It was just a normal day I thought. I walked onto the ward to be faced with my worst nightmare, my father. It was my first day back after being sectioned by the person is meant to love me the most. I have to say, I am not 100 percent sane, but this a trial day to see if I am fit enough to be working. I still don't feel right, like the old me, before. I feel stressed and on the edge of destruction, but there is something still here for me, something that Mama wants me to find.
"Zoshie!" My dad calls across the ward" its lovely to have you back." He pulls me into an unwanted hug, I try and squirm my way out but he has a strong grip.
" Dr March, it's great to see you... um.. healthy." Sacha says, he obviously knows but he's trying to hide it.
" You can say it I'm not ashamed of it!" I say before turning and heading to the staff room.

I've missed this place, but I've had nightmares even about returning. I think I'm afraid I'll be judged for being mentally unwell, but I am unwell. I still have bad thoughts, thinking of doing something to stop me from coming back, but there's my dad and Dom and Arthur and everyone else that care so much about me.
"Zosh? Are you ok hunny?"
"I'm fine Dom. I just didn't sleep very well last night. " I reply. He moves in from the door way and sits next to me on the sofa.
"What's really the matter? You can talk to me." He asks putting his arm around my shoulder.
" I'm just not feeling myself yet. I am depressed after all."
"Do we need to go on a little walk and get some headspace?"  I nod gently. "Come on, we'll go and tell Mr Levy."

"So what's really the matter Zosh?" He asks again.
"I told you." I snap back.
"Woah lady, chill out!" He jokes. I smile but a tear falls onto my cheek and a whimper escapes my mouth.
" I just miss her Dom, I could just tell her what was wrong without having it build up in here." I signal to my head.
"Oh hunny, come here" again he engulfs me in a bear hug. Dom always makes me feel safe but I just can't tell him things anymore. "Right you ok?" I nod again wiping my eyes "Let's get back to the ward and we'll settle you down with some admin to take your mind off things." Great I think, boring!

It nears lunchtime, marking that I'm half way through my shift from hell. Arthur came in earlier and told me that his shift finishes at one and that he'd come and sit with me. "Hello Zosia, can I come in?" He lingers in the doorway.
"Yes of course don't be silly" I smile patting the sofa beside me. Arthur always cheers me up, since moving in with him and Dom I feel much more wanted and alive again, they look after me and remind me to take my meds.
"Zosh, have you taken your meds yet?"
"No thanks for reminding me." I didn't want to take them. I'd rather be manic that depressed. "You can go Arthur." I say pouring myself a class of water and taking out the pill from my bag thats sat on the side.
"No I said I will sit with you so that's what I'm doing." I swallow the pill and sit back down beside him.
"So, what do you want for dinner tonight?"
"Um Chinese." I beam. It's my favourite.
"Chinese it is then!" 

It's five o'clock, the end of Dom and mines shifts.
"Oh we're having Chinese by the Dom, and your paying for it!" I chirp.
"Are we? Am I?" Dom looks over to Arthur. He just shrugs. "Great" he laughs.

By the time we've finished Chinese I feel much better, and it's not gone unnoticed.
"You seem much more like your normal self now." Dom says and I nod swallowing my last mouth full of noodles.
"I think we should play a game of charades."
"That sounds like a great idea!" I shriek. And we play charades until midnight.
"Right I'm going to bed" I say and the boys agree. "See you in the morning."

HOPE THIS IS OK, ITS MY FIRSY ONE 😅
AND ALSO PLEASE GO FOLOOW ME OM INSTAGRAM @xxholby_casualtyxx
THANKS FOR READING 😊