Filch was well known for being a creepy bastard, and what happened down in his lair proved it. Before he whipped me, he was showing me all of his whips, and telling me their names, and the students he’d hit with each one...The creepiest part was when he told me about their screams. I was trying to silently shuffle towards the door, but then he caught me at it.
“Over there.” He snarled, pointing a long bony finger at the far wall.
“Oh, I’m so excited.” I said in a very cheery voice. He muttered something that sounded like ‘so am I’ and I shat a few bricks.
The walk to the wall, seemed to last forever, and I was sort of freaking out. It was one of those times where my thoughts were more serious because I was out of options....there was nothing to do.
I’ll fill you in of my thoughts of the next minute, just as Filch was choosing his whip.
“In the name of the llama-“I pressed my right hand to my forehead. “And of the cats-“I moved it to touch just above my navel. “And of the cute alpacas-“My hand touched both my shoulders. “Pen.”I...I think this is a prayer... “Dear llama God. If you’re listening, please help me. If you let me escape this, I’ll study for my OWLs, I’ll put in effort. I’ll try to be less annoying. I’ll also stop swearing, and replace my swears with various phrases. Please! LLAMA GOD HELP ME!”
Nothing happened, and I felt as though I could cry. I felt sick. I heard Filch’s manic laughter as he raised the whip. I shut my eyes tight and I felt a strange feeling in my gut, that had nothing to do with fear.
“What the -?” I heard Filch say as I apparated.
I ended up behind him, but he didn’t realise.
I suddenly felt like a cocky (Does that count as a swear?) little llama.
“Missed me.” I said cheekily, and he whipped (‘scuse the pun.) around and tried to whip me again.
“How-?”
“I’m a –“I stopped, trying to figure out words to explain me. “Willow!” I smiled happily.
“Son of a – “Filch started.
“CATNIP!” I shouted. “There is to be no swearing anymore! Because swears are ugly!” Then I had a thought. “Can I swear if I stub my toe?” I asked looking up at the ceiling, as though seeing into llama god’s heaven. “Err, send me a sign if it’s a yes.”
And then, amazingly, Filch’s cupboard fell over, because peeves was there.
“THAT’S A YES!” I shouted, and I sprinted up to Gryffindor tower, without looking back.
“Are you okay?” Harry, Ron and Hermione said in unison as I practically fell over upon entering.
“I’m good. I’m cool. I’m fine.” I said, crawling into a chair. “I didn’t get whipped, the llama gods helped me, and peeves. I’m good.”
“Are you sane?” Hermione asked, quite worriedly in my opinion.
“Is she ever?” Ron countered.
“Good....” I was trying to breathe. I’m so unfit. “Call...”
“So you escaped?” Harry said excitedly.
And so I told them everything that happened. The three seemed to not hear the part about llama gods. Pfft, non-believers.
“You apparated? Or your own accord?” Harry asked in a very proud way.
“yep.” I said wishing I could have a glass of water. “Accio goblet.” I said vaguely, and it flew toward me. “Aguamenti.” And I skulled the whole thing.
