I never said I was fine with heartbreak. I never said that I was okay with you leaving. And I never said that I didn't love you. Because I did. I actually loved you more then words can explain and justify. And I didn't want to get married, or go to college with you. All I wanted was for you to love me back. But you never did. All I wanted was you, Cameron. But I never got that. Now I only get to see you once a year. Now I only talk to you through texts that my dad reads. You were so clueless, and I was so in love.
I saw you on the first day of school. Fourth grade. In the hall, at 7:55 am, wondering which group you should join, while the janitors were yelling at you for standing in the middle. You didn't join mine. You joined the one with the girl who had boobs the size of Mount Everest, 50 Alex and Ani brackets, and an IPhone.
I was okay with not talking to you. Until I saw you walk up the stairs on the third day of school, your blonde hair flipping, your brown backpack, and your new sneakers. I'll be honest, you looked nerdy, but I still fell in love. You were at the end of the hall, and I was at the other end. But it felt like an ocean.
And that one day that I saw you in math class, my heart soared. Back then, it was a petty crush. We were both with Mrs. Eley, a brown haired lady with a horrible temper. She put us in a group together, you me and Patrick. We had to make a mini golf course. And we decided on crossy road as our theme. I remember that I brought in the cars, and you brought in Thomas the train for our last obstacle. No one could pass except for the three of us. And I remember when you hot glued everything for me because I was too scared. And I remember that day that I told you that I liked you. And you told me that you wanted to be my boyfriend. And we just acknowledged that we liked each other.
And a week later, I went to Florida. And then New York City. And then I got back. And then that stupid fat head Emmitt that I used to date came up to me, and told me you wanted to break up. So did everyone else.
Three days later, you followed me out into the hall after class. You told me you really liked me, but we needed to break up. And I remember that little Sorry you uttered. And I remember clutching my binder, and acting like someone just gave me a puppy. But inside, I wanted to die. It was at that point and time that I realized that I didn't just like you for two weeks then didn't. No, Cameron. I decided that I loved you. And I had never loved anyone before. Not as much as I loved you. And I hurt, and I hurt, and when I got home I outpoured. But Cameron, I know that your not reading this, but even though you moved to Pennsylvania, I still love you. And I regret never telling you.
