Riddles of a destroyed mind

The suicide note

When you sit there at night and look in the sky while you are leaning out you window having a fag. You will see this one bright star and you wonder about your creation. Everyday you walk about looking for a reason to live. A person maybe even an object but you don't. Half of the time you miss out on things like your child growing up or sometimes parts of the day. My mind is constantly not allowing me to feel but when I do I feel pain, loneliness and fear. Fear of stepping out that door. Fear of the people I know. Fear of the monster inside. The monster the little innocent girl became. That little girl who didn't know any better. But you know one day you will be back to that innocent girl who walked around with no problem or hurt or constant torture. So these last words take heed . When you wake up in the morning you are something. When you feel like crying cry and don't bottle it up. But most of all. Don't hide inside that you are scared because the fear catches you and kills you slowly. And realise it when you have the pills in your hand and you have wrote this out and there is no going back. When you have said goodbye and you feel so much hurt you don't remember any memories.