Letters To You and Me #Wattpad10 #JustWriteIt

To The Two Clueless Boys

Monday, November 14th, 2016
To The Two Clueless Boys,
#1
You were just an elementary school crush. But I'm still horrified that I wasted time crushing on you. You were horrible to everyone around you, especially to me. And no this wasnt one of those 'boys that are mean to you like you' things. 
Anyways I came back from summer break excited for the school year. Instead you're words started a downward spiral that I'm still trying to climb out of. Do you even remember what you said?
You said,'You used to be so thin, now your fat.' Then just walked away.
At the time I didn't realize how much it would affect me. I'm sorry that I didn't understand the real impact of puberty. That I didn't understand that if you sit in the car traveling with your younger cousin you can gain weight. Especially when that cousin who couldn't have been older than seven, has a McDonald obsession. Luckily for me, I lost the weight quickly to your surprise.
But I didn't lose the struggle ahead.
#2
You were just another boy, one I didn't care for. I barely knew you but we had to do a video project together. You decided our video should be about a bullied girl. It was a good choice but you missed the point. You chose to portray an obese girl. You stuffed pillows up your shirt and laughed about it. Your attitude changed an other wise moving video. Into something satirical.
But when editing said film, you noticed that I, your director, had gotten into the shot.
I couldn't believe it when you said who's that fatty, multiple times. 
I spent the last three months out of school in a treatment center for my depression and other problems. I've been on multiple medications in that time to help me gain weight. It's not enough to say that you hurt me.
To you both:
If you lined up my school pictures since sixth grade until now you'd both be shocked.
There's the normal pictures and then there are the ones that will make you pause.
My freshman picture where I look like an athlete, I was in two sports that year and I was feeling my best. Then there's the summer after where I starved myself because I was afraid of starting a new school. I have that picture where my clothes were hanging and my face was shallow. It's strange that that one had the biggest smile. Then there's the nonschool photo from about a month later. It's of me laying in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV, completely out of it. I don't even remember my mom taking the picture. 
I've spent to much time scrolling through anorexia sites and restricting. Counting calories and exercising was just normal for me.
This isn't about my weight at all. This is about how you both chose to speak before thinking about how it would affect the person. I have been battling this for so long. I feel as if I'm ready to let go of the pain you both have brought me.

From,
A Dreamer