Part One
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"Thank you, Ms. Wentz." My mom smiled as our family doctor walked out of the hospital room, waiting til she was down the hall to sigh and turn herself towards the bed I'd resided in for..well, a good amount of passed months.
She was quiet for some time, the only noise being her shoes against the marble floors, as she crossed the room and slid herself in the plastic visiting chair. I knew what was coming, though, and something told me I wasn't leaving this hook for a quite a while. Her puzzled face seemed to say enough. "What were you planning on? How did you-" she paused in between words, with her face crinkled in a frown. It seemed to deepen the somber look in her features, which would have probably broken my heart way back when, but in the current situation it only left me with a slight irritation. If there's one thing I knew she passed down to me, it was, with out a doubt, her theatrical show of emotions.
"Mom, it's not that easy to explain..I know, I'm not right in the head and whatever I'm going through isn't permanent..I know all of it. I just- I needed to get away, and leave everything behind."
The intense gaze she'd set on her folded hands, lifted from her lap to my face, clear with disbelief and disappointment. "So, you were aware of the plan in leaving Mason behind?" She whispered. "Your son really means that little to you, now? Was the message- 'your not ready for a child' from your father and I, that miss understandable?"
A few tears escaped my hold at the mention of my baby boy. "Of fucking course I thought of Mason, mother! He was the first thing on my mind when I started with these mental realizations. In my heart I knew he would be better off being raised in the Pentland household! Louise is such an amazing mother, already. I have nothing give him!" With the back of a my hand, I wiped my cheeks. "He loves her so much, that's why I have her as his godmother. Yes, I would have missed him so much and probably regretted my lack of self respect as a mother, but I couldn't live with anything other than that. He deserves a life I can never give him."
Waterworks. Why can I never handle myself around my mother?
"Marissa Jolene," she gasped, wiping away a few tears of her own. "I-"
"Uhm, excuse me, Marissa Audman?" A light voice cut my mother off, leaving the room in silence for a moment. "The doctor would like to privately speak with you. She's in her office, room 203." Just as soon as she stepped in, she stepped out.
"I need..a break, then. I'll be in the cafe area." And with that, my mother made her exit, taking her jacket and car keys along. The caffeine addiction also being what she gave to me.
"Well, let's get this over with." I muttered.
-//
Aye, hello there.
I don't exactly know where or how far I'm going with this little project, yet, but this is a start and for once I'm not totally regretting it so that's a plus. Hopefully it isn't too bad or boring.
Won't hold you up any longer. :D
Stay strong, kid.
K.xo̸
