F L A R Ë S

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13. M I R A

      Wildly my hands shove aside the brush of green leaves

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      Wildly my hands shove aside the brush of green leaves. I'm stumbling over large rocks that outline the shallow end of a small pond. My heart is held in the grasp of fear so profound I cannot hear anything else. Time seems to slow down, the white wings of a butterfly freeze mid flight. Breathing becomes a troubling labour, I don't have enough air I can't breathe, a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone. My hands reach up to my throat, nails raking over the skin. My skin feels scalding hot as panic ensnares my thoughts. I feel like I'm being pierced in a thousand different ways, like I'm being torn into pieces. I've not felt this way since I was in Purgatory.

      "Thorn," I scream, only it's barely a whisper. I'm panting as my legs stop, giving out beneath me. I fall into the shallow puddle of the pond, my knees scrape against stone. Cold water soaks the cloth of my dress making it stick to my legs. Freezing me is despair that slams like a gavel on my bones, hammering me. My vision glazes over, as my lips part and I feel that I've gone back to that place Purgatory drove me to.

Then, the forest begins to glitch like a broken screen. Black and white mix together around me as the scenery begins to fuzz in and out. Then something begins to take form.

The abyss of a dark ocean floor, four unlocked shackles lay ready to be used. The chains glimmer eerily.
The familiar quiet seeps in, the madness I thought I had escaped. It's found me again, only this time it has come to finish the job. Was this just a teasing reprieve? Am I still in the Void? The scenery glitches to the forest again, before melting into the ocean abyss. Back and forth until I'm holding onto my head, my fingers pulling at the fibres of my hair. Am I still in the Void?

I close my eyes to the muddled reality I'm facing.

My head is throbbing in torturous pain, this attack I'm inflicting on myself because of fear. Fear of Death, fear of the unknown. Which is illogical, how can I fear the unknown? And how can I fear the natural cycle of life? I am only a soul inside a vessel, this journey is to be felt not kept.

A scorching heat envelops me and I feel as if I've been doused in gasoline and lit to flames. I have to calm myself, and the words leave my lips like scripture, anchoring me with moments of peace. The passages I have been losing myself to, the ones that are putting back the broken remains of hope. My memories of the words that I have read from the book pour out like a prayer.

"There is," my voice is weak and strained, "there is,"I try again. Though my kids are closed, the abyss deepens it's dark colours, threatening to overtake. It flashes in an out of sight, trying to make me numb.

"THERE IS A THIEF!" I scream, and oddly enough, it overpowers the pain, makes the quiet slither away. Until I'm left with just the words from my book. "A thief who has tamed the Beast. The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. A thief's lonely purpose. But I, I have come for life, I have come to live. I seek to see it abundantly, before I take my leave."

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