Incomplete (Hollow Sequel)

Chapter 10 - The Chains (Las Cadenas)

Songs: 

Las Cadenas: Selena

Brand New Me: Alicia Keys

A.J.'s POV

I left Harry, quickly grabbing my coat and purse before making my way out of Samara's packed apartment. I didn't bother finding anyone to let them know of my departure, most of them were too far gone to care or even remember and the rest would try to convince me to stay. That was the last thing I wanted to do. 

Being with Harry, again, was a mistake. Granted, I didn't feel like it was. It wasn't a victory either. It was an odd feeling. One I hadn't really felt before. It was indifference. Nothing more, nothing less than indifference. Towards Harry, of all people. A person that I claimed to love with everything I had. The person who actually showed me how to love. 

He made me feel many things since I had met him. An immense love that I had never thought was possible which made me grateful. Lust I had never felt before. A bubbling anger to the point of aggression. Utter annoyance whenever he'd make me happy when I was trying to be mad at him. Confused by his unfounded jealousy and how jealous he made me on purpose, just to get a rise out of me, causing a great disappointment. A mixture of fear and optimism for our possible future together. I felt so vulnerable and weak and dependent on his love and towards the end of our relationship, he made me feel abandoned when he'd leave every night, stressed, wondering if he was safe or not. He made me feel depressed and unhappy and so empty. I even resented him for a while. And regret as of recently.

He always made me feel something, bad or good, I always had a feeling. But, now, as I walked down the cold, busy, New York streets, I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing, not even regret. I was utterly indifferent to him. The person I had loved so deeply, made me feel nothing. 

I thought about it for a few blocks, trying to feel something. Anything, but I didn't. And that simple fact just made me laugh. It was two o'clock in the morning and I was walking down a semi crowded street, laughing and smiling like a mad woman. 

I received odd looks, people probably thinking I was drunk off my ass. Which they had no right to judge, they themselves looked pretty shit faced. I on the other hand had lost my buzz after my moment in the bathroom with Harry. There was no denying that the sex was enjoyable, that hadn't changed, it was just being with him. It was just that to me. Sex. 

Knowing that I had no emotional ties to the act just, enlightened me for some reason. It gave me hope to a brighter and more bearable future for myself. Of course, I knew I was going to always love him no matter where life would take us, but I had to learn how to move on from him and this just seemed like a step in the right direction. Performing one of the most passionate acts that elicits some of the strongest feelings without batting an eyelash, it was incredible. 

When I finally arrived at my loft, I was too amped up to even think about sleeping. For the first time in months, I grabbed my journal that I had discarded for so long, that was had just been collecting dust on my coffee table. I opened to a clean page and started scribbling everything that was floating around in my head. 

It was freeing and gave me an sense of sanity to just let go of everything, pouring myself out on paper. Although I loved him, I felt as if the chains that bound my heart to him had broken. Just ruptured. 

Before I knew it, I was blasting some music, going from the scribbles in my journal to moving the furniture in the living room, setting up an easel and canvas. I had nothing particular in mind, I just took a paint coated brush to the white canvas, hopeful for the ending result.