The Notes of a Hugger

《Clovis isn't doing so hot 1》

Hello, all my glorious fuzzballs! It is I, the admin of the ClovisTheHugger demons account.

I hope you all enjoyed the Seven take over, I'm honestly not a hundred percent sure what I'm going to do next, but I do have a big(ish) surprise on the way.

Now! As promised, I will explain the reasoning behind the Seven take over/killing spree.

I've been in rough shape lately. There have been times when I have been very near death at my own hands, but there have been things that stop me, or people who help me through. However, I have been cranking out the self harm like nobodies business. I've mastered using the correct tools to not leave a permanant scar, but I do have to wear a hoodie for a day or two afterwords.

I'm not going to get in to too much details about what's going on in my life, because... Uh, it's my life, and it doesn't apply as much here on Wattpad. But, I will explain a few things that... Upset me, to say the least.

Thing #1: Junior.
Junior is the nickname I gave a girl who I've known since the fourth grade. (FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW ME AS WELL, I'M IN TENTH) Anyways, in seventh grade, Junior texted me, and asked if I was Bi. And... Part of me had always known that I liked girls, too... But I think having someone else say it to me really made me come to terms with it, and it was like it was a whole new concept to me, and I was very scared. I wasn't sure how my friends were going to react, or how my family would react, so I kept it a secret from everyone except Junior for a long time. The reason Junior was able to realize I wasn't straight, was because it was blatantly obvious that I liked her. Junior is an incredible friend, and she helped me through these times in seventh grade, and she helps me still to this day. But, the pressure of keeping my sexuality a secret was a lot to handle, and I got very depressed and suicidal. Well, Junior got worried about me and word got out that I was suicidal. My parents left work when the news got to them, and I was called to the office to talk to the counciler. I was scared and confused, because I didn't know what they wanted. And when I found out, I was even more scared, because my parents were goo to learn my secret. But, they're very supportive of it, and they love me anyways. Now, despite being supportive of me, Junior polietly made it clear in seventh grade that she wasn't bi or anything like that. Which, I was fine with. I was just happy to have such a supportive person. But, last year, in ninth grade, she was starting to question her sexuality, and I was overjoyed when I found out she had realized she was Bi, too. We dated happily throughout ninth grade, and about half of the following summer. However, she had some major family stuff happen, and she was forced to move away an switch schools and everything. To save me from getting into all the drama, Junior broke up with me. I was devestated. I wouldn't get to date her, or even see her as a friend. Texting would be the only communication between us. But, our friendship has survived. Little by lift throughout this year, our friendship has begun to get more into romance, with downright flirting and cheesy confessions. Junior, unlike me, has yet to come out to her family, because again unlike me, she knows her family with disapprove. They're homophobic. So, she has to delete our messages and at random times while we're being all cute together, she'll say that we need to stop, because her parents are home. It's really frustrating to have this sort of on again off again relationship. But, it gets worse I'm afraid. She's had two new crushes since she's arrived at her new school. She tells me about them almost every day. Now, maybe it's just because it seems like we're kinda sorta dating/in a relationship, but it really bothers me that she can talk about her crushes, and then turn around and babble on about how much she loves me. I felt like she moved on from me really fast, bevause I still love her, and no one else. So, today I snapped, and I told her how I feel about everything. I still don't really know what her reaction was. She was very surprised and sorry that she'd been playing with my emotions. But, she left to go to bed pretty quickly after that... So I don't know what we have right now.

Yeah, this is going to have to come in multiple parts. I didn't mean for this to turn into an angsty rant, but that's kinda what this is. I'm sorry. I just need to get this off my chest. I hope you guys understand. Expect more parts soon.

Quick disclaimer: Don't worry too much about my well being. I'm working on things. I'm doing my best. Talking to people and all that good stuff. But, as always, thanks a lot to @Infinite_Pixels
For saving my life in more ways than I could ever say.