I Don't Feel Real Today

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    I lay in the hotel bed, blue eyes staring up at the ceiling. It was one of those days, I could feel it. One of those days where I didn't know myself, where it seemed that I was nothing to the world. I hadn't had one in a long time, but with all the confusion over Jye, did it really come as a surprise? I glance at my phone as it lights up, reading a text from Bryan that told me he was at the venue.

    Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance comes out of the dock's speakers and I sniffle, wiping at the few tears that were escaping my eyes. "Fuck," I whine, sitting up and rubbing at my face with my palms. "I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene," I sing softly before climbing out of bed. I didn't want to go through this alone, I didn't want to do something that I might regret later.

    I pull off my large sleep shirt and tug on my Motionless In White hoodie, followed by a pair of ripped boot cut jeans. I slip on my navy clue battered Toms walk out the door, not bothering to run a brush through my hair.

    I get out of the elevator, walking across the hotel lobby, mentally praising whatever high power there was that the venue was just across the street. I walk out into the noon day sun, blinking before looking both ways and hurrying across the street. Eventually I make it back to the parking lot and make my way towards the busses. I walk around a trailer to find Bryan surrounded by a handful of band members: Brent, Chris and Aaron from LMTF, Richard from SECRETS, and.. Jye.

    "Bryan?" I ask, my voice quiet. I hated to interrupt, but I needed him. He looks over, and I could tell that he knew immediately what was wrong. Every other set of eyes lands on me, too, and I shift self consciously.

    "Rec," Bryan sighs, wrapping me in a hug. I sniffle again, a few tears falling down my face. "Let's get you back to the room, we can watch Disney movies," he offers and I smile at him brightly. He grabs my hand and pulls me back in the direction I'd just come from, and my eyes land on Jye's face for a moment, just long enough to tell he was concerned.

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