The Time The Gangleader Saved Me is a six chapter, so far, story written by FairlynnA
The Cover/Description
I didn't really think the cover fit the story, but I do see why you took the initial one down. You should've probably kept the first one and just changed the font color.
Also, the description promises a different story and I can see ways that you would be able to incorporate what you promised, but still you may want to rethink it. The description looks odd visually because it's just a single, long paragraph. When someone reads it they're reading a lot of the same size/length sentences that make it harder to process mentally.
The Story
Honestly after looking at some of your other works I expected it to be better developed. Even now, with only six chapters, there are a few plot holes or parts that don't seem to fit.
Your character development is lacking; I don't find myself rooting for the MC. Well, I'm still rooting for her, just not as much as I should be. I also didn't find your perspective change necessary or exciting to read because the story had just begun. Also, most of your characters are forgettable and I've forgotten their names already.
Now onto the actual plot. Considering what type of story your's is I'm not surprised by how cliche it is. I do believe it is going too fast and you should've developed the character a bit before jumping right into the story. It's also not very realistic or original. I've read at least ten stories like this one before.
The writing itself. Overall I believe you need to learn how to use commas and sentence structure. Majority of your sentences are simple and most paragraphs are the same size; sort. Try varying the length of your paragraphs because it's not fun to read them if they're all predictable. Change up the first words of your sentences. In your last update alone, at least half the sentences began with 'I'. Try to be more original with your writing.
My Overall Opinion
While the story was slightly lacking, I wouldn't say it the worst I've read. If you're bored and are looking for an easy read that won't involve much thought from the readers side, go ahead and take a look.
Sorry to the author of my opinion was to harsh, but I did warn you it would be my actual opinion.
YOU ARE READING
Book Reviews
AcakIt's exactly what the title says it is. I'll be reading people's books and reviewing them as long as they fill out a form on the first part.
