•*. pinned .* • eruri

chapter 1: revised

    "My god, Hanji... I swear if you don't-"
    "OOOH. here he comes!!"
    "Yes... I know.." I said with my face facing the floor. I'm desperately holding black any blush at this point.
    "Is.. This seat taken?" Oh no, Why is his voice so hot?
    "It's open my man!" Hanji said in that creepy voice of hers. That voice only seems to peek when she's onto something. "Ooh! So.. Errwin. You play sports aye!" Hanji said, nudging my shoulder. I purposely make intense eye contact with the floor. The only thing I can think about is murder them.
    "Um, yea. Actually. I uh- do football, mostly." My legs wanted to jump, my self control was on overload.Just thinking about having a buff football boyfriend with beautiful blonde hair, and sparkly deep, blue eyes... Shit. "do, you play sports.. Hanji?!" Erwin said in his sexy voice trying to keep conversation going. I know he was trying his hardest to ignore the hot mess to Hanjis right, which was me. C'mon Levi! Act Normal! I was scolding myself.
    "Yes! I do basketball! And field hockey in the spring. But basketball, mostly." I tried peeking my head from the floor but I just couldn't. Even if I got a glimpse of him my body would get all hot and other mushy stuff I don't like this feeling I'm getting with him. I feel like a child. I should at least try to talk to him.
"And you, Levi?" Oh god... He noticed me. The realization that I was still in his eyesight no matter how hard I wanted to disappear hit me with the question at prompt. I quickly mentally organize myself and collect the thoughts that were scattered because of him.
"Oh um, I actually-"
"Erwin! Over here!" A youthful energetic woman bounces her way up to our table and easily makes her self at home next to Erwin. They share a passionate kiss right in front of me, which signals that they were more then just friends. Every closeted gay mans worst fear was slowly unfolding right before me.
"This is Petra Ral my girlfriend. Petra meet Levi and Hanji." His tone slowly started to gain confidence towards the end of his sentence. My heart was shattered and quite frankly I found it hard to breathe. Was I having an asthma attack? Is it noticeable?
"Hey Erwin's friends!" As soon as she sat down the first thing my eye caught was the silver pin placed on her blouse. Her face gleamed, too bright, like she knew what she was taking away from me. But mine would be too if I was pinned by Smith. It's embarrassing to admit but it's not like anybody would ever know. Like clock work after I had vowed silence, Hanji pulled us away from the situation, with her goodbyes we were off. It didn't take much for me to leave as I was walking in front of her the entire time. Every step was a release of anger into the tiled school floors, I got tired of see the checkered pattern by the time we reached the library but at that point the greyed carpet was there to catch my anger. Like two scientists after a failed experiment we each slouched in a computer chair, plotting for the next attempt.
After a long silence Hanji finally spoke, "Wow, I did not see that coming." I assume it was their very poor attempt to lighten the mood, I stayed silent, unfazed. With my sexuality in this time period disappointment and heartbreak were no new feelings. "I'm really sorry Levi, I thought for sure this time..." Then it hit me, it was Hanjis fault! So sure of this straighter than straight pricks sexuality, she had to get me hooked on him! I finally break eye contact with the ground and glare at her. They were already looking at me by the time we locked eyes. They seemed to know what they were in for with the sense of sorrow and fear shining through their thick goggles.
"It's fine..." Is all I could butt out. Deep down I could never really blame Hanji. They were all around a great friend, better then I ever was to be frank. Besides there is nobody else to blame other then myself. What sane person gets hooked on a boy who you've never finished a conversation with and share two classes? The tension was released with my words, then announced with Hanjis sigh. Their hand just making contact with my shoulder, and I knew that was initiating the heart to heart "are you ok?" speech. I could feel their mouth open and a loud school bell came out. I swiftly got moving before they could further interrogate me. I was in no rush trying to get to my next class, but I knew if they were to check up on me I was surely going to break down in that damned library. I shamed myself the whole journey to my class and briskly wiping away condensation that was trying to spill out. I didn't care at the time if someone saw me, because I knew nobody else cared about me. I was just another pawn in this public schools game, along with all these other suckers. But no matter how invalidated I tried to make myself feel, I couldn't stop asking myself am I pretty like Petra?