Past Love

Chapter 1: Break your little heart

"Yes. I'm on my way now, Kean... Yeah, yeah. Bye."

*toot-toot*

Psh. Walang I love you? Anyare don? Tsk.

Oh my gosh! I'm so excited. Magkikita kami ng boyfriend ko ngayon and how I missed him. After almost 1 month ngayon lang kami magkikita ulit. Di ko nga alam kung pano ko nakayanan ang almost 1 month na di kami nagkita eh. We're not on the same university kasi kaya mahirap though malapit lang naman but we we're both busy sa studies. Ngayon, medyo maluwag na ata sched nya kaya nakipagkita na.

Bumaba nako ng sasakyan at dumiretso sa sinabing lugar ni Kean. The place was relaxing. Hindi masyadong matao.

I found him on a bench. Sitting and on a deep thought. I wonder what he's thinking now.

Umupo ako sa tabi nya. And guess what? Di man lang nya ko napansin. He's still on his position so I decided to talk to him.

"Kean. I'm here na." With all smiles pa yan.
He looked up to me and stared at me like he didn't want to see me. I shake that thought out because of what I saw from his face. He looks so tired. His eyes were dark. His hair was now long. I can tell that he's a total mess right now. I suddenly feel guilty. Baka wala pa syang pahinga pero pinilit nyang makipagkita sakin ngayon dahil matagal ko na syang kinukulit.

Sinuklay ko ang mga daliri ko sa buhok nya at hinaplos ko ang pisngi nya. He's looking at me intently. Di rin nakaligtas sa paningin ko ang maya't maya nyang pagtitiim bagang na para bang may gusto syang sabihin ngunit nag aalinlangan sya sa di ko malamang dahilan.

And because of what I saw from his face. I started to feel nervous. I suddenly feel sad, broken. I suddenly feel something was about to end.

And as I was about to forget the thought, he spoke and said something that turned me to pieces.

"Gail, let's break up." He said looking at me intently. Like it was a decision made a long time ago. Like it was his burden. Like it was the answer to his problem.

Natulala ako.

Did I heard him right?
Seriously?! I missed him so much and then now, he's telling me that he's breaking up with me?!?
Is this some kind of joke??!
Cause this ain't funny.

Pero alam ko na tama ang narinig ko.
Bumuhos ang mga luha ko.
Humagulgol ako at yumakal sa kanya. I need to feel him. I just can't accept this.

Masaya naman kami bago maging hectic ang schedule nya ah. Masaya naman kami kahit nag uusap lang kami sa phone. Wala naman kaming napag awayan nitong mga nakaraan. I stop myself from arguing with him kahit gustong gusto ko na syang makita na kahit ako na lang ang pupunta sa school nya, pero ayaw nya kaya sinunod ko wag lang kaming mag away.

Binalikan ko lahat. Lahat ng nangyari at nag isip ng dahilan para malaman kung bakit gusto nyang makipaghiwalay sakin bigla.

Did I do something wrong?

May ginawa ba ako na di nya nagustuhan?

And as I think about it. I found not the answer. Wala akong maisip na rason kung bakit gusto nyang maghiwalay kami ngayon.

So, I cried. I cried in front of him. Without saying something. I just cried. Waiting for him to talk and tell me his reason for leaving.

Pero di sya nagsalita. Kahit pagbalik sa yakap ko di nya ginawa. Kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap sa kanya. Tinitigan ko sya. And see how wasted he is right now. Di ko man lang malaman kung bakit devastated ang itsura nya.

"Why?" I asked crying my heart out.

He did just look at me. And I was shocked when I saw tears forming in his eyes. He's stopping it from falling.

And before it finally falls, he stood up and left me there. Like I am now his accomplished business.

What a bastard!

I love him and this is what he's going to give me!??

Iniwan nya ako na walang sagot sa kahit isang tanong na meron ako. Who am I kidding?!? Paano nga pala nya sasagutin kung di ko naman tinanong. At pano nga naman ako magtatanong kung di na nya ko hinayaan makapagtanong.

Iniwan nya ako.

Ha! Iniwan nya ko. Without giving me his fucking reasons. Iniwan nya akong umiiyak. I am left alone!

"Shhh. Hush now Gail. Everything's going to be fine. Hush now baby, I'm here alright. I won't let you alone in this one okay?! Hmmm. Hush now please." Kean said while I'm in the middle of crying over something I failed to do.

Pero ngayon, nasan sya??! Sya ngayon ang umiwan sakin.
Sya ngayon ang nagbibigay ng sakit sakin.

*thunder*

Pagkatapos kumulog ay bumuhos ang ulan. Nagtakbuhan ang mga tao para makahanap ng masisisilungan pero ako, hindi. I stayed there. Sa mga stories at movies ko lang napapanood at nababasa yung ganito eh. I never thought na masarap pala sa feeling ang umiyak kasama ang langit. Well, I'm not really alone. Cause here's the sky crying with me. How pathetic!

Umiyak ako ng umiyak. Pagtapos tutulala. Ganon ang routine ko nung mga oras na yon. Hanggang sa nagsawa ako. Tumayo ako at nagtaxi pauwi.

Pagdating sa bahay, wala akong naabutang tao sa sala. Kaya malaya akong nakaakyat sa kwarto ko. Naligo ako. Inaboy yata ako ng ilang oras sa banyo dahil sa pag iyak at pag tulala. Pagkatapos kong magbihis ay sumalampak na ako sa kama ko.

At pinagpatuloy ko ang pag iyak at pag tulala. Gawain ng mga sawi sa pag ibig.

Akala ko di ko mararanasan to. Pero eto na. Nagyayari na.

Ganon lang ako hanggang sa makatulog ako.