First Time

Chapter Two- Caught

Life's pretty unexpected. One moment, I was with her, my mother I mean,sitting under the tree explaining how my life changed after entering O'levels and that I wanted my ''old life'' back. I complained that I missed my childhood and that I wanted to be a little girl again.

A girl who made a face everytime her mother bought a pink frock for her just because that was too ''girly''. I wanted to be a little girl to fit in my mother's arms perfectly while she told me stories of her childhood.

I guess that's why God created me, to be the type of person my mother couldn't be. I wanted my childhood again. Indeed I missed the time when she ruffled my hair finding me coloring those flowers. I loved them since childhood.

They were so beautiful, so delicate and were used for the most beautiful purpose in the world. To tell someone how much you love them, how much they actually mean to you. To tell them that it burns your heart to see them with someone else, someone who isn't you.

I missed the time when homework was coloring, crying was on broken toys not hearts and betrayal was stealing chocolates rather than disclosing secrets.

When I was a kid, my biggest wish was to be the most beautiful person on earth and to grow up as fast as possible. Now it's the exact opposite. Growing up means being mature,something I can never do and being beautiful?

Well, I honestly don't know about that beautiful part because beauty nowadays is just a curse. But that's the best part about being a kid, I guess. You're fearless.

Completely fearless. I wanted someone to describe me the way Walt Disney described snow white.

Lips as red as rose, hair as black as ebony and skin as white as snow. But soon, I realized that looks weren't really the reason why I loved him. Don't take me wrong, he was gorgeous. Really, he was. He was beautiful because of what he said and what he did. He had a beautiful soul, a beautiful heart. When people are in love, they never go for looks. They just love you, they love your soul.

And I loved him but I was never sure if he felt the same way. I loved him, not his looks. I just loved his soul.

I still love you, Leslie. I love you so much.

There was a time when I sat with my mother and chitchatted about every single thing. The next moment? Well, I heard she was going through cancer. It broke me apart when I found out about her. I felt sorry for everyone who lost their parents while they were young.

Every single person out there is really strong, trust me. It's hard to let go, specially the ones who loved you way before you were even born to them. Parents are like that. They love you more than any person in the world. A wise man once said:

''The only person who'll ever go happy seeing you succeed will either be your parents or your teacher''. That makes sense now.

It indeed does.

It's not that your friends won't be happy seeing you succeed, not at all. It's just that you should live for your parents. The moment you feel like giving up, crying, killing yourself, just for once go and look at that face which always sparkles in your presence. Yes, I'm talking about your parents.

If they can love you before your birth, I really think the best you can do is love them back just the way they love you.

When my mom died, I had no reason to live, specially when my dad broke me the news that he wanted to get married again. I felt  numb. At times, you feel that way and that's okay. It doesn't prove that you're weak, it proves that you are alive and your heart's still beating.