I'm Sorry

Dear Nick part 6

That was it. After a month of texting each other and counting down the days until Halloween, we stopped talking on the 28th of October. All I want to do now is text him, but I can't.

Gosh dang it. I hate myself. I hate my feelings. Why do I like Nick? Why is it that every time I hear his name I perk up or every time I see him I get butterflies in my stomach and I can't talk. After about weeks-to be exact 22 days, 22 days we texted each other every single night. Why? I'm not sure maybe he actually liked a stupid little girl like me. Maybe he didn't and he just needed someone to talk to, but 22 days in a row we texted each other talking for hours.

Today was the last day. Day 23 and I decided to let him text me first... he never did. I was left stranded on an island with no idea why. Why Nick? Did I do something wrong? No, it was just one day maybe he'll text me tomorrow? Right? Wrong. I never got a text back. I wanted to scream when it was day 24 and no text. Day 25 I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.

I don't understand. What did I do wrong? Why is it that when I finally think I could possible date someone they always lose interest? It's like I'm a toy that they can have for a little while until they get bored and forget about me and pretend like I'm not there.

It's amazing how fast we went from strangers to friends and to strangers again. It's like I'm grieving for someone who is still alive. I can't go through a daily task without thinking about him and I wish I just would stop. He obviously doesn't care about me so why should I?

Why is it that I'm still holding on to hope that maybe, just maybe one day he will come back saying it was a mistake or that he didn't mean it. It's not just that he probably didn't like me, I loved talking to him. I always spent my time on my phone bored, but when he started texting me, I felt like I had a purpose.

I'm 15 years old and still haven't even held a boys hand. I guess I had the chance to hold Nick's millions of times at the park and at the game, but we weren't even dating, and sadly we never will.

I grabbed a thin piece of notebook paper and sat down at my kitchen table and started writing.

Dear Nick,
Somehow in the short amount of time we have been..."friends" you have managed to make me want to scream on the top of my lungs "For Gods sake!" I hate admitting this, but I purposely walk the long way around to get to history just so I can see you. I have never missed someone has much as I miss you. I'll never admit it to you though. You honestly made me so happy. I loved going to the park and football games with you, I felt like someone actually cared about me for once. Oh was I so dearly wrong. I just wish I could lose these feelings as fast as I lost you. I miss being able to text you. I hate myself for not talking to as much as I should of. Please, just text me, one last time, that's all I want, just an explanation. Tell me what I did wrong. Here's to the nights we spent texting and all of my "I'm sorry's". All I can say is that I'm filled with regrets. Hopefully, one day we will talk again like we use to. I guess you can carry on with your life as I try to pry your memory from my mind. Please remember me Nick. Please forgive me Nick.

From,
Gabby