Heartbreak on a page[ON HOLD]

••Entry 4••

Dear Heart-Reliever.      17 May 2014

All I felt was pain in my heart
I felt numb
And all I could feel was the pain in my heart , it was demanding , ordering to be felt and I couldn't help but obey .
This was one of the worst days I had experienced .
The pain and depth of the betrayal finally straining at my heart , pulling the strings so hard it was hurting my heart to even have it beating which I found really ridiculous because I couldnt even feel my heart at the moment . It all came crashing down on me like an emotional wave drowning me and swallowing me in , I wasn't even strong enough to find an escape, a way out and funnily I didn't want to .
I was still in the place I had been 2 hours ago , on the floor leaning against the door .
"I love you"
BAM
"I love you"
BAM
"I LOVE YOU!"
That  one scene had just been playing over and over and over again in my mind . You might be thinking 'He says 'I love you' all the time , why is it getting you so worked up?'
Well thats because he has never said it not once , he's always danced around it . Saying stuff like , I am starting to fall for you , a year after we were dating , but he had never ever said those three words .
When he said it , for the first time I just broke , why did it have to be when I was breaking up with him because he cheated on me with my best friend . Agg , why is this thing so painful , I hate it , I could just curl up and die. After about another hour of just sitting and crying and sobbing . I stand up and head for the kitchen wanting to eat my food , the food that started  my revenge break up plan .
I added a big blob of mayo to it and mixed it until you couldn't see it any more . I twisted a whole lot of it onto my fork and ate it all in one go , I finished the food in about 5 minutes and it was a bowl full. I took out a bottle of wine and poured just enough for it to take the food down to my bottomless pit . I hear a knock at the door and I set the wine bottle down before making my way to the door , I stand to the side and ask 'who is it?'
The voice on the other side of the door hesitates
'Uhmm its me Reynold your new neighbor '
In my heartbroken haze  , it doesn't come to mind that the man behind the door's voice sounds exactly as the co-initiater of my despair .
I open the door and my breath instantly hitches .
I make a move to shut the door but he does the classic nudge your foot between the door and its post move . I hit him in the face and push him back , resulting in his foot moving giving me enough time to kick it away and slam the door shut . I lock the door and walk away back into the kitchen to grab my wine and head over to the TV to watch The DUFF. I catch the movie right on time
And watch as the 3 girls walk down the hall way the way that stella and  I once did , as if we could take on the world . But I guess it all changed when I got a boyfriend.
I just didn't think that  she would be so bothered as to take him away from me . Wow! I guess it is true , people do change I just didn't think that it would happen to me . I had no friend , no boyfriend and a broken heart .
Looking to you , my dear diary, for therapy and relief . I might lose you too if I don't watch out . I don't know if I could move on .

I love ...sorry ...loved him

Who am I kidding I still do ....

What am I to do diary

Soothe my heartbreak

Make it go away

Please....

And that was all I remember before I heard a clang and loud crash and I was out cold .