Cara Mia

Introduction

The air in the room was thick with tension and uncertainty. I found myself gulping down my fear and trying to keep myself from visibly shaking. This was my worst nightmare come true.

How had it come to this? That I would need to beg the man I never wanted to see ever again in my life for protection for my daughter?

Well…our daughter.

I fight the urge to roll my eyes and buried my face in my hands as I rested my elbows upon my knees. My heart was starting to somewhat return to normal when Mia let out a squeal causing it to beat rapidly again and my head to snap to attention.
I breathed a sigh of relief and returned to my previous position once I saw she was squealing about something he was showing her on his phone.

All these years of running from my past have made me a very anxious and paranoid person. And I hated that I’ve made Mia into a true mini me at times.

The poor girl has nightmares constantly.

I’m so stupid. I should’ve known I wouldn’t be able to run, at least not forever. I had put Amelia, my little Mia, in so much danger by continuing to run. When it was just me, running was the only option I had. The moment I got pregnant I should’ve stopped running. It wasn’t about me anymore at that point.

But I was a selfish and terrified 22 year old who had been running from her past for four years at that point.
But now here we are, another four years later and he’s meeting his child for the first time. I can feel his anger coming off of him in waves, but he keeps a smile on his face for her. And for that I am grateful.

I nervously bounce my leg as I pick up my head and watch him talk with her. I’m unsure of how either will react as they speak and this is what is making me nervous the most. The unknown.

I hate not knowing what’s going to happen. It’s a great source of anxiety for me. Always has been.

I stiffen as he spares me a glance and I can see the pure hatred he holds for me in this moment…and I can’t say that I blame him. I kept her from him in an attempt to protect her from the life he leads. From the life I was raised in.

As far as he cares, she and I are only in this situation because he was not around to protect us…well her. Right now I don’t think he’s too inclined to protect any part of me. Especially my life. Again I can’t blame him. If the roles had been reversed, he would be dead by my hand.

Why should I expect him to treat me any differently?

“Mommy come look at this picture of Daddy on his phone!” She bounced excitedly from his lap to mine, as any normal four year old would do. I smile at her and kiss her cheek. I can feel his stare but I try to ignore it for now.

“No piccola. That’s ok. I will look at it later.” I brushed some of her dark brown hair out of her face and looked down at her bright blue eyes. Her features had always served as a reminder of the man I had known and cared about.

She’d received his hair, his eyes, his smile…otherwise she looked exactly as I did as a child. Only I had red hair. I too had blue eyes but not the shade of aquamarine she and her father had. I’d secretly hoped she would get his eye color. It was simply breathtaking and when she arrived and opened her eyes…I was over the moon to see their bright shade.

“Amelia…” He spoke soflty. We both turned to him. He glared at me. “Why don’t you go with Viola here and go see your new room! Mommy-“ His tone when he said mommy made me cringe. “Mommy and I need to have…a little chat.”

Mia turned to me with a smile, “can I Mommy? Can I?”

I gulped and forced a smile on my face as I felt myself nodding. I petted her head and pulled her in for a hug and kissed her cheeks and her forehead. I held her tight for a moment and tried not to cry, but the tears welled up. I let her go and she hopped down from my lap and went over to the older lady standing near the door.