Emotions, ideas, feelings, conceptions are allmade in your brain, but in my case it's different. My brain is like a WW2 fieldwhere there is nothing such as peace. In the night as I lay my head to rest, mybrain wakes up and starts thinking about the pain I go through all day,bringing up the past with the present, and the future with the will not bedone. The fact that I think about three different emotions and things thathappened or still happening in the same exact moment is just painful. It's likeletting a defeated demon play like a toddler with sharp knives, stabbing yourheart, feelings, goals, and soul. This inner demon of mine takes full controlof my mind when I try to rest, making me terrified from my own self, walkingaround shooting my dreams and achievements with a shotgun loaded with mistakesand memories from the past, when I thought life and people had an entice tasteand an astonishing color. No matter what I do,I'm always stuck in that self-anxious loop where there is no exit, and the onlyexit of mine is temporary, where is I either wake up or escape reality. Thepain grows harder and faster when I come back to that god forsaken realitywhere you're judged, criticized, brainwashed, controlled, and you are taught tobe stupid, and told to be nothing at all. Despite the fact that I'm overdosedon my feelings and emotions, and I am on the verge of tottering like a fallenangel who's regretting leaving the light and crumbled down into hell. The paingrows and shows the most when I wake up, hating everything and everyone,terrified from my brain I look into the mirror with wonder if I am alive or I'mdreaming. The greatest reflection on my personality expands to become anxiety,fear, anti-socialism, and depression. I don't like getting close to people,afraid they'll know the true demon (myself) and leave, trapped in my own mindfighting for a solution which I partially create so that I won't end the painwith a razor. The only hope I've built in the past months and years is get outof my suffering and to kill my demon, sadly this hope dies faster than a lifespam of mayflies.
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OverThinking
غموض / إثارةThe human brain is a treasure for philosophers, scientists, and thinkers. But also a double edged weapon for creative people who have passion for imagining and concluding questions. My story is about the suffering of overthinking through the night o...
