In The Background

Chapter 3 (Damien)

I had never had a panic attack in front of people before, it was always when it was just me and Matt together or when I was alone. I usually had enough time to get away from people. I knew now that my fainting was going to be the talk of the day on Monday, but even more so, I knew that I needed to know who this mystery girl was and why I was so attracted to her even though I barely knew her. 

I could tell quickly that she was becoming part of my life. A big part. This girl I didn't know, who didn't know me was willing to use her body to stop me from getting hurt. "Hey, hey. How many fingers am I holding up?" The paramedic asked, waving his hand in my face.

"Three," I said moving to a sitting position and putting my hands on the ground behind me. "I am fine. I promise. I get panic attacks all of the time." I muttered and pushed to my feet. "Can I go now? There are nachos waiting with my name on them." The paramedic reluctantly nodded and I started walking away, hoping that the mystery girl would follow me. My wishes came true when I heard her soft feet tapping on the rough blades of the turf.

"Are you really okay? I haven't really seen anyone else have a panic attack, but I don't think they usually look like that." She said grabbing onto my arm with a firm grasp, undoubtedly feeling the raised scars on my arm. To my surprise, she didn't move her hand or question it. 

"It... I don't know. I just felt like I couldn't move or breathe and everything around me was spinning and all at once it just became too much." I said not wanting to tell her that it felt like an old memory coming back to me, something that was lost. A memory that was just too intense for me to handle.

"I am so sorry. I know what it feels like. Feeling like a memory, something that you forgot or in my case tried so hard to forget rushing back to you without a single warning." She said stopping me so that I looked into her eyes. "I have heard about you around the school. Hell, most of what I hear about you comes from the mouth of my own best friend, but you aren't really what they say you are. You are just like the rest of us, but you know how to hide it, maybe it isn't the best idea to keep everything bottled up inside. Just talk, I don't know you, which may make this easier for you, but you can come to me if you ever need help with anything okay. Anything. I know more about this than you probably think."

"Look. I don't need your pity. I don't need to talk. You are right, I don't know you and you don't know me. So leave me alone and go back to your stuck up little dance team." and with that, I ripped my arm out of her hand and walked to my car ignoring the looks that I got from the crowd and the calls of my name from Matt. 

I jumped into the car, slamming the door shut and shoving the keys into the ignition and peeling out of the parking lot. Not a care in the world about what was going to happen behind me. 

~*~

Why?

Why did I have to run off on something that I knew was going to be good for me? Whether it was because it would remind me that my house keys were in my bag which is now sitting in the locker room that is long since locked or because I might have finally gotten the help that was more than necessary.

No. Instead here I sit on the front steps of my family's stupid house with no way of getting in because there was no way I was going to call Matt and nobody else was coming home tonight. So instead I sat with nothing to do, hungry and tired still in my uniform but at this point, it didn't matter. 

I had pulled over about a mile from the school to take off my pads and instead tossed them into the back seat of my car. Suddenly grateful for the hidden key so that I had a getaway car, but at the same time angry with myself for using it. 

I tried to think of anything other than the mystery girl and her gorgeous ocean blue eyes and perfectly dyed hair. The purplish locks flowing over her shoulders slightly disheveled from dancing but it still looked perfect to me. She was stuck in my head and some part of me was actually grateful, maybe I wouldn't forget her before I had enough pride in my body to talk to Matt again, to ask him who she was.