❌❌TRIGGER WARNING❌❌
I hate the fact that I love you, and you loved me.... but you weren't happy.
I hate the fact that I got attached to you, and it ended... I felt something was going to happen.
I hate the fact that, you could find someone so much better than me.
I hate the fact that you need a break.... it's been a week since we broke up... it's been the hardest Fucking week....
I feel like if you do still love me you will come back right...?
Or was that a lie.... too.
What if he never returns... what if he tells me I wasn't good enough...
That I was sexual enough
That I was too clingy
That I wasn't smart enough
That I got to attached....
That I was just a fucking mistake...
What if it turns out like my other relationship.... you date each other 3 times... and then they tell you... that your not sexual enough.
So they move right on... to someone new, someone better... than me...
What if you never actually loved me?
What happens....
All the fucking smiles you gave me.
All the hugs... to the point were I actually felt happy for once in a long time.
When you held my hand... I felt like everything was better.
I felt special again.
And then it ends... just like that..
I'm in the car trying so hard so to cry....
You told my friend to take my blade that I used....
I had nothing to turn to when we ended...
Nothing
It was like life didn't matter...
I got so attached... that I though suicide is the answer right....
My friend Danny, stopped me... from doing it... from thinking of it.
A couple mornings late.... I found a pencil sharper... I took the blade out... that's it... i have to do something.
And I did it...
It's been so hard with out you...
I still love you so fucking much you have no idea.
How much I loved you....
How much I cared about you....
"I'm just confused about everything right know.... I need some time to think about it..."
3 nights I cried.... thinking it's going to get worse... it got worse.
I feel unsteady, to the point where... I couldn't control my self, middle of class I just start crying." I would look at a picture tears rushing down my face. Holding a blade in my hand.
I got a headache... went to the kitchen... to get medicine... grabbed the bottle and then dumped all the pills in my hand.... thinking could the really stop the pain... or would it just give it to someone else... my phone in my pocket *buzz* Janea:"Hey." I was always there for her... what would she do if I just ended it...
I grabbed the pill....
And poured the rest in the container.
And walked out of the kitchen....
My friends.... texted me saying I'm so sorry. You will find someone better. He just needs time.
