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So one of the first experiences I want to share is the hopelessness love of an anxiety riddled kid. Most teens out there that have some sort of anxiety knows what this is. Where you can memorize every detail of them without speaking a single word to them. Honesty its terrible. I want to try to talk to her but I know she would never talk to me. If I did, what would happen. Would she think I'm weird because I know her without talking to her? Would she be flattered? Who knows. All I know is that it will never happen.

I have a feeling that even though I feel so in love with this person its gonna end up like "I cant have have her so I want her but as soon as I get her I dont want her anymore". Hopefully that isn't the because because honestly  shes perfect.

Ooh Eli thats so cliché stop being so mushy mushy.

Oh shut up anxiety. Anyways I feel after I realized what happened I changed hardcore. I actually cared about what I look like, and overall how I'm presented. Not that anyone notices but I feel its necessary if I ever want a chance. Every time I'm about to talk to her there's this little voice stopping me. Telling me it's useless and I shouldn't try. I know it's wrong and I should at least give it a chance but I can't help but listen to that voice. Maybe it's the truth speaking or just my fucking anxiety. Either way I think thats all I need to say here. Until next year....bye bitches

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