Roses Are Dead Like Violet In Bed

I'm Sorry

It was happening again. They were arguing. The worst part? It was about me. Violet. The daughter who just wasn't meant to be. I can hear them both down stairs yelling and cursing each other out like there's no tomorrow. Hissing and growling like wild cats and dogs. All of this just because I couldn't keep my mouth sealed. All of this just because I couldn't let it go. All of this just because I thought I was making things better. Well, I guess I was wrong wasn't I? I guess I should stop trying. No one would really care if I just hid from the world.

Would they?

I don't know. Maybe, just maybe things could get better after they argue. Maybe they will come to their senses and realize that it was for the best. Haha. Who am I kidding? All they ever do is argue. I take a glimpse at my alarm clock.

9:00

I had to get to school by 10:00, and exactly 0% effort has been put towards the cause. I had to do it. As much as I despised it, I had to. I had to muster up all my strength. 

I had to walk. 

Now it's not the actual walking part that I don't like, it's all the things I encounter during this walk. The dogs, the loud cars, the boys. The boys. Ew. I hate them all. All that mouth and not a dewdrop of common sense. I pity them actually, knowing what they will grow up to be. Not my problem. They should've absorbed their education while they had the chance, but instead they decided to throw it away for the "street life".

 So sad.

I ease up from my rolling computer chair, and head to my mirror. My 4c afro looks like a crown on my head. If only I was like those other girls who waste their days on Youtube learning how to contour and highlight. I decided to put it up in a ponytail. I add a little gel, and there we have it folks. Not too sloppy, and it won't draw attention.

My phone vibrates.

It's my best friend, Amiin. He's wondering where I am. I keep my message vague, but not too vague. I don't need him getting worried.

"Car troubles, I'll be there soon"

I continue getting ready, putting on a shirt and zipping my jeans. The last thing I do is zip up my jacket, then I'm out. I walk over to my door, but before I even get a grip on the handle, it opens. He stands there, looking at me. Watching me with eyes of hatred and distaste. Is it strange that I'm referring to my father? Well, step father. The one who helped raise and has been apart of my life for as long as I can remember. I look at him with hazel eyes, his blue eyes staring back.

His look of hate soon turns into a big smile, stretching from ear to ear. A sigh of relief escapes my lips and I start laughing as well. He isn't mad. "Come Viley, let me drop you off to school." We go downstairs and I see my mom sipping what appears to be coffee from her favorite blue mug. That's strange. She hasn't drank coffee in like two years.

"Oh good morning!" She says with a fake smile. Widening her eyes a little too much for my taste. It's kind of creepy actually.

"Hola mother" I say with a soft giggle as we embrace each other. She smells like she bathed in coffee. Maybe it's from work. Did they start having random coffee parties at the Hospital now?

I didn't question it. I didn't want to get lectured on the healthy benefits of coffee, and dad was already outside the door. I grabbed the healthiest looking apple and made a run for the car. I got in right when dad turned on the engine.

9:30

I can make it in time. He pulls out of the driveway and turns on the radio. Taylor Swift. It's always Taylor Swift. Every Morning and Every Night. Taylor Swift. I plug in my headphones, not dumb enough to mess with my dad's radio. I flip through my phone until I find a speech that calms my nerves. 

Malcolm X. 

I don't know. Maybe it's the way he speaks, or the power behind his words, but something about him brings me into another world. Like I'm Alice and the space around me is Wonderland. Or maybe like I am Eve, and the world is my unconditional garden. Either way, every word fills me with the power of the ancestors. 

Divine strength.

We drive in silence. Not knowing whether or not to mention the events that just took place. Even with the music playing, the tension was undeniable. It didn't last long though, we finally pulled up to the school.

9:45

Amazing. I still have fifteen spare minutes. I need to find Amiin and tell him all about my crazy morning. I hastily gather up my belongings, and start to dart out of the car. But he holds on to my wrist. No. He grabs me. I turn around to look at my father. I see it now. He's mad. He's angry. He's furious. Being nice to me back at the house was just a mask to cover up what was truly underneath.

A monster.

"Listen to me, and listen to me carefully." He says. His blue eyes begin to look evil, like whirlpools that swallow ships whole.

"Next time you witness something that you don't understand you need to come to me first. Are we clear?"

I stare at him. Transfixed. Afraid that if I open my mouth i'll get slapped, but this deepens his anger. He swiftly moves his hands to my throat. His grip tightening by the second.

"Are we clear!"

"Yes!" I scream. Wanting him to let go. "I get it. Gosh." I opened the door and got out of the car as fast as I could. Not letting a single tear fall from my eyes. I want to look back, I really do, but I'm afraid I might see it. See him. Not my father. The man who married a nurse, and lived peacefully with her and her daughter. No. Not him. I'm afraid I'll see the monster that lives deep inside of him. The one that was locked away for many years. The monster that beat my Mother until she passed out. The monster that would get drunk every night and decide to torture her daughter for fun.

It was locked away. Safe and sound. No one bothers. No one to disturb it. No one has released it.

But I did.