Only you

It's gotta be a horrible feeling to see goats.

Sometimes I think about existence.

Of course, I have a lot of time on my hands because I have no life. But really, why are we here? Some might say to get rich. Others, to be famous. But I think we're here to love. We need to love, then be loved. This brings up the opposite sex. I use to love "being loved" until I realized, I am only loving and not being loved back.

In English, I keep on falling in love with guys that will never feel the same.

I wish it wasn't this way. I'm just unlucky I guess. It's not my fault I felt like I needed someone to protect me. I couldn't protect myself any longer. I needed a protector, a guardian, a love. I needed a boyfriend to be happy. Or, that's what I thought. Until the boyfriends I had destroyed me. They dug me a deeper hole and I voluntarily fell right in. They got what they wanted and I didn't do anything about it.

I'm ashamed.

There's never a day I feel glad I did what I did.

Because I don't.

My decisions affected not only myself, but Sarah, my aunt. She can't trust me and always worries. She hates me for it, I know deep down she does. Who wouldn't?

"Kirsten?! What the hell have you been doing? I called four times." Speak of the devil. I sat up on my bed and looked into her angry eyes.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't realize-"

"You've said that for the past month! Keep it together Kirsten! You've been falling apart and I'm worried about you." She said and ran her hand through her hair. I exhaled and picked at my nails.

"What were you calling for?" I asked.

"I was just wanting to know if you were home or not. You know, checking up on you." She said. Checking up on me? She never does that. And she's home early today. I never see her. She leaves for work before I wake up and comes back home after I sleep.

"I'm here." I said.

"I'm going downstairs to do something for work if you need anything." She said and left. She just got home and she's working. Typical. I looked over at my phone on the bedside table. Why couldn't I hear it when she called me? When I'm deep in thought, someone could throw an ice cream cone at my forehead and I won't notice. I picked it up and looked at all the notifications. Mostly snapchat. I sent a bunch of random pictures to people to keep up my streaks. You do what you gotta do. Suddenly, my best friend, Isabella, called me.

"Hey Izzy, what's up?" I asked.

"Oh my god, Kirsten, I'm totally freaking out right now." She panicked.

"What?"

"School starts in two days!!! You need to to come over right now!!" She yelled.

"Wait-" I started and she hung up. I swore and got off my bed. I stretched and looked at my attire. Ew. I was wearing my sweats and a Pineapple Willie's t shirt.

I went over to the full sized mirror. My geeky glasses made my face look tiny and my dirty blonde hair was springing out of the sides of my messy bun. I changed into some jean shorts that barely covered my ass. I put on a plain maroon v neck and tucked the front into my belt. I put on a cream-colored cardigan and my clear Lokai bracelet with a long necklace that had an interesting-looking key at the bottom. Not to mention my slutty shorts had rips in them and made my flat ass look sexy. (Insert winky face)

I went to the bathroom connected to my room. I looked for some contacts.

"Damn." I cursed aloud. I'm all out. I sighed and looked at my face. My glasses made me look cute but they're a pain in the ass. I took my hair down and tried to brush out the knots. I let it flow down my back in soft waves. I put on some mascara and eyeliner then I brushed my teeth. I put on my white converse and grabbed my Kate Spade purse.